Thursday, July 31, 2008

I'm Yours

I love this song... love how it transports me straight to the islands that I love.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

I need Him

After watching Wall-E with the girls and enjoying a teriyaki and sushi meal for my birthday

I just finished that post about delighting in my family... that post isn't complete without my hubby.

Ry is the guy who has endless patience with me. He knows I'm completely high-maintenance. He finds me adorable, sexy and a woman full of love. I used to tell people that I appreciated him because he let's me do what I want, when I want. But that's not quite true. It's not even a matter of letting me. I'm not his child, his ward or his servant. I'm his equal. So he doesn't even think that he needs to provide permission. He just steps out of my way and stands next to me.

This is guy who is unlike any man I have ever known in my life. He comes home from work and plays with the girls while I finish up making dinner. The girls love having their Daddy home. It always brings a smile to my face to see them running to him, just to have him swing them up into his arms. They often do this multiple times until Daddy's arms are spent.

This is a man who helps clean up dishes after dinner. This is a man who vacuums, does toilets, bathes the girls, brushes their teeth, puts them to bed and tells spellbinding stories to our precious girls. This is a man who understands that discipline is firmness of spirit - not violence. This is a man who understands that more important than discipline is the increase of love. I'm so grateful that my daughters know that their father loves them. I love that they enjoy being cuddled by him.

I love that they get jealous when he's swinging me around the kitchen dance floor. I love when he grabs me from behind. I love that my hubby will start rubbing my feet or my shoulders... just because he wants to. I love that he's one that's willing to do better by me and my daughters. I love how easily he still responds... to me... even after a pregger body. I love that he has a merciful and kind heart. It's taken me a long time to realize that hearts like his are rare.

This doesn't make him perfect... it's taken time for both of us to learn and grow and become. Marriage isn't easy. Parenthood isn't easy. Things have gotten better in the last few years as we adjust and grow, little-by-little. Sometimes progress is so gradual that one day you look up and you're amazed at the view you're seeing. And of course he has his moments... as do I, but when I look at what allows me to truly delight in motherhood... he contributes a large percentage to my ability to do so. If I didn't have a partner who shared in the day-to-day work of parenting... I think I would be a total wreck. As it is... I'm grateful.

I love you hunny bunny.

ps. when I'm out late with girlfriends... he waits up for me... it's cute.


Friday at the tea party cafe for mine and Sally's birthday - thanks Jaime.

Today in RS they were talking about the definition of "delight"... I delight in my family - my little microcosm of the world.

My friend Kim dropped off my little 22 month old in RS today because she made a surprise for me in her diaper. After I changed her I asked her if she'd like to go back to nursery or hang with momma. She chose me of course. I was ... not so secretly, pleased. She proceeded to root out the Clif Kid fruit twists in my purse and partook of the cookies passed around in RS. Towards the end of the lesson as she was walking around in the back, she began to sing. She was sitting in the seat behind me... and I was doing everything to get her to stop, or sing quietly. I don't mind kids singing in lessons...but I know that not everyone thinks kids are adorable like I do. So I'm frantically trying to get her to "shhh" and even gently placed my hand over her mouth... that only made her sing louder. Then at the most quiet part of the lesson she stops... and momentarily I breathe out... to hear her say "Stop Mommy, I'm singing!!!" Quiet giggles filled the room. As if it's possible to love her even delicious little one.

My 3.5 year old has been attending summer school preschool. She has a boyfriend... one of many. All of which she is going to marry in the temple. She came home at the beginning of the session saying that "Mommy, we can only blow kisses." Apparently the teachers had to tell both my daughter and her special boyfriend that they can't actually kiss each other ...they have to do air kisses with their palms.

I dropped her off a little late one day and as soon as we walk in the little boy R shouts out "K's here!" I'm standing at the door watching my daughter take her backpack and lunch to her cubby and watched her struggle with her back pack zipper. She started to cry in frustration and as I ran over to her - the little guy R ran over and looked at the teachers, "K's crying!!!" Then he cames over to her and gently patted her on the shoulder. Then before anyone did anything he wrapped his arm around my daughter and planted a kiss on her cheek. I had to turn away so I could giggle. It was so sweet. My daughter's getting more action than I ever did. I was 19 before I was kissed. So cute... these little people.

Maybe I'm not normal...but I totally delight in my girls. I am endlessly fascinated by them. Do they occasionally drive me crazy. YES! Especially when the decibel levels are broken by their, in unison screaming... but I always know that they are souls, old souls that I knew before this existence. They are here to teach me, just as much ... more so than I could ever teach them. I'm not special... I don't have any great wisdom to bestow upon them. They aren't jackpot winners because I am their mother... they are my temporary stewardship - they belong to God. I am responsible for them...for their heartaches and silliness. I want them to know that I love them just because they exist. Not because they can do anything spectacular... not because they will make mistakes... just because they are a part of me - as I am a part of them. I'm here for the adventure, just as they are.

Perhaps I have a flawed memory...but I don't remember ever wanting to escape my girls. That makes me... at least in my ward - not normal. Why is that?

Monday, July 21, 2008

Circle of life...

This article cracks me up... especially the end:

The communal pool also presented its own problem: At times the fish would flock to the feet of an individual with a surplus of dead skin, leaving others with a dearth of fish.

"It would sometimes be embarrassing for them but it was also really hilarious," Ho said.

Golden Rule... Harumph

I recently read Falling Leaves: The Memoir of an unwanted Chinese daughter by Adeline Yeh Mah.

The writing was not exceptional...but there were bits and pieces of the story that were touching, troubling and interesting from a cultural standpoint. One of the passages that stuck with me is towards the end of the book on page 269.

Her brother who was the closest thing she had to someone who ought to care for her (in her immediate family) was the type of person who always used the Chinese phrase for every situation "suan le" which means "who cares", "let it go", "whatever". He said this to her at the end of the book...

"Your problem Adeline, is that you're always transferring your own feelings and reasonings into others. You wanted to believe that we all shared your dream of a united family. In fact, no one cared except for you."

This is where it hit me. That's how I am. I have always carried this idealistic view that we should all like, and be kind to each other. I always think that because I want to feel accepted and appreciated ...that other people want to feel that way too. I mistakenly think that if I'm sincere and genuine that other's will be too. Ever since I was a child - I still think that when someone says, let's get together - they mean it...because I do. I'm wrong. Not everyone feels the way I do. That's where the Golden Rule... doesn't apply. "Do unto others as you would have other's do unto you." If that were true than it seems like we ought to ignore each other - because that's what people do. Don't bother smiling at people in the hallways, in passing... because people don't smile back. Don't bother bringing your favorite treats to people because - they don't do the same, nor do they ever go the extra mile to do something thoughtful for you - because let's face it - you're not even a blip on their thought radar.

Just because you want that ideal childhood and ideal life... doesn't mean anyone else gives a damn about it... most people in this world are like Adeline's brother... "suan le" neither hot nor cold - lukewarm, and dull as hell.

It's weird - this is something my fav Bishop from BYU would tell me... but I didn't understand it. In his own way he was telling me to lower my standards for people. Which is hard because I figure if I can meet my own expectations... being nothing brilliant - why can't everyone else? He also tried to impress upon me that not everyone knows the right, polite or kind thing to do. Most people don't have your best interests at heart...even if you have theirs. Which makes it hard to still remain positive when the majority of the population is not thoughtful, kind or generous. Most are running around insincere, insecure, jealous, petty and selfish.

I've discovered, only lately that it's not worth it. It's not worth my time to invest in people who are only going to disappoint me. So I'm focusing my energies on my little family and those few people who are like me. The ones who are real, giving, kind and thoughtful. Those are the people worth spending time with, and sharing my joys and fun with. The rest... they can stew in their own pity.

I'm done with the Golden Rule... done. It's done nothing but hurt me over the years. I'm foolish enough to think everyone else wants to follow it... because, it's so clear they're not...and if they're not, they're not worth it for me. I'm going to funnel all my energy into people who are worth it.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Dark Knight

My hubby and I went out on an afternoon lunch and movie date. We ate at our town center's new family-owned cantina and then saw Dark Knight.

Stunning. Splendid. I didn't want to like Ledger's work just because everyone is talking about him...what with the abrupt ending of his life. However...his character was terrifying, the stuff of nightmares...but mixed in with moments where it made me laugh out loud. It was such a strange experience. I could not believe this was the same Ledger from 10 Things I Hate About You or A Knight's Tale. He was fantastic.

Part of why I worried Ledger was going to get too much attention -which he is, and rightfully so... is that Christian Bale is equally magnificent. I have been a fan of his since Disney's Newsies. If a guy can dance, sing and act... I'm a huge fan. I loved the old movies where all the actors were true MDT people. Bale is well - scrumptious.

As for Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine - they are gentleman in every sense of the word. They add to every scene ...they class up the gig. They can't help but command respect.

Unfortunately... Gyllenhaal taking over for Holmes... was merely an exchange of poor choice actresses. I hope the next one... they'll find a woman who can rise to the occasion to match her male counterparts.

Eckhart is a surprise. He actually held his own.

I love Nolan's direction with Batman. He infuses the movies with a realism and dark grittiness that remind me of the new 007's with Daniel Craig.

ps. I'm also excited for Bale as the new John Connor in Terminator...

Monday, July 14, 2008

Mamma Mia

Because I am in love with Colin Firth and... I think Meryl Streep is a fantastic actress. Plus, throw in music, dancing and fun... I'm so there.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Vacation Suggestions

So... I'm thinking ahead... we're headed back to Hawaii this year - but to Maui this time with the girls. Hawaii tends to be our defacto destination each year lately... don't get me wrong...I LOVE Hawaii... I love perfect sandy beaches... weather... and that I don't have to worry about anything drastic...

With that said - I'm looking to ya'll for advice, suggestions on where else to go - where to stay - what time of year to go... what you like about it - is it better for a couples, families... and what about short trips?

I love browsing the web...but I thought if I tossed this out... you could help me narrow my search.


Monday, July 7, 2008

It's over...

I'm still Jason's fan - he's a man. Jesse's a nice guy... but he's like a puppy...a boy.

50 minutes

...into the season finale and I'm hoping she picks my pick from the beginning of the season...Jason.

...I also picked Ryan for Trista (as annoying as she is...that laugh ugh)... but he was one I wanted from day one... maybe I can be 2 for 2.

Sunday, July 6, 2008


I saw this on nestleknight's website. This is for the dancer in my heart...what about you?

You Are Belly Dancing

You are sensual and naturally sexy. Never trashy, though.

You are comfortable in your own skin. You don't have hangups about your body.

You are confident and playful. You love showing off.

You tend to be a little dominant and assertive... but only in a flirtatious way!

What Dance Are You?

Incidentally...Belly Dancing is next on my list of to learn...

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

I'm coming out...

... I'd rather be one of those that you know exactly where I stand - rather than someone who pretends.

I'm LDS. I'm also called a Mormon. I'm also an Asian Mormon...and for some - that is enough to point and stare because ... I'm like a strange freak-show.

I also have friends that are gay and friends that aren't. That is totally fine with me. I like having diverse friends, in age, beliefs, ethnic origins...etc. I also believe in marriage. I believe in the essence and purpose of it because I am not a person that can separate what I believe from who I am day-to-day. That doesn't make me perfect... far, far, far away from it. But it does mean that I am unafraid to state who I am. This doesn't mean I have a right to be arrogant or disrespectful of someone who has a differing opinion. So it always bothers me when someone who doesn't believe the way I do - decides that it's ok for them to be arrogant and disrespectful.

This is why the decision in California...the state I love to live in - is frustrating to me. I am proud of this country for the decisions that are made for the people... by the people. We are a democracy. We the people decide on our actions of voting and also ... even more powerfully by our inaction, when we choose not to vote.

This is why whenever a court arrogantly decides they know better than the people, what the people need - it gets under my skin and ticks me off. It also makes me upset that people would agree with the principle that a judge can make a decision without the will of the people in mind. That that kind of behavior is conducive to a free society. It's not. I don't care what issue... whenever a decision is made without the will of the people - that scares me. I wonder, how long until we really have a dystopia of thought police.

Californians rallied and voted back in 2000. I was there. I walked the streets, knocked on doors and gathered petitions. I believed in protecting the sanctity of marriage. I believe that marriage progresses our species, our order in society and rears responsible citizens. I know there are exceptions - there are always exceptions - but exceptions don't make the rule. By and large - marriage keeps a country stable.

So when an arrogant court showed blatant disrespect for the population of California... it rankled me. To see people cheer this miscarriage of justice, and to erroneously call it justice is disappointing. The ironic thing is that the people who cheered this decision consider themselves to be intelligent. Yet they are ignorant when it comes to how this decision was made. They lose sight of how flaunting the law, disregarding how our system works, is ultimately dangerous to our way of life... our freedoms. They're too busy fighting a battle to see that democracy...keeping that democracy is a war.

It also frustrates me that while I believe in protecting marriage, and I maintain a respectful view towards all people - the people that want to demolish my belief are doing everything they can to belittle, disrespect and arrogantly tell me that I'm "insert any prejudicial label". It's quite telling. The bible talks about how by their fruits you shall know them. Pay attention to the vile attitude, and the arrogance that drips off of people who attack those of us who believe in marriage. It's strange. Why is it that I can be calm and kind - but somehow the reverse is impossible? Why is it always that way with certain issues? That there is always that one side that insists that their opinion is more valuable and more "right" than yours? Why do they always take it so personal? I don't know... there are of course small groups of folks that are calm, rational and respectful - but they are the exception. It seems... there's a lot of hypocrisy going on. The same people who willingly mock and laugh at good people who are homosexual, are the same ones running to jeer at and spread disdain on those of us that would like to protect marriage.

And... if it comes down to the fact that the population of California really doesn't want that amendment to protect marriage to pass - I would be at peace. But, I think we must let the people choose. It almost makes me wonder - why instead of letting people choose they keep working the courts to dictate our lifestyle?

I'm beginning to think this isn't just about same-sex marriage - it's about preserving the right to freedom. To following the dictates of our own conscience.

ps. Obama... scares me. If someone like Obama wins - we can kiss our personal rights goodbye. See this article on Gays Defend Marriage.

California and Same-Sex Marriage

SALT LAKE CITY 30 June 2008 The following letter was sent from the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to Church leaders in California to be read to all congregations on 29 June 2008:

Preserving Traditional Marriage and Strengthening Families

In March 2000 California voters overwhelmingly approved a state law providing that “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.” The California Supreme Court recently reversed this vote of the people. On November 4, 2 008, Californians will vote on a proposed amendment to the California state constitution that will now restore the March 2000 definition of marriage approved by the voters.

The Church’s teachings and position on this moral issue are unequivocal. Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God, and the formation of families is central to the Creator’s plan for His children. Children are entitled to be born within this bond of marriage.

A broad-based coalition of churches and other organizations placed the proposed amendment on the ballot. The Church will participate with this coalition in seeking its passage. Local Church leaders will provide information about how you may become involved in this important cause.

We ask that you do all you can to support the proposed constitutional amendment by donating of your means and time to assure that marriage in California is legally defined as being between a man and a woman. Our best efforts are required to preserve the sacred institution of marriage.

Considering this letter... see also this post in regards to marriage and the upcoming presidential election: LDS Church vs. Obama on Same-Sex Marriage

pps. If you want to comment...please read all the links before doing so. Be informed.