Fireworks

Happy Fourth of July

We'll be taking our girlies to our little town center's fireworks celebration. They like fireworks...and it's close by.

I always see people ooh... ahh and exclaim when there are fireworks.

I notice on TV and in the movies, fireworks are supposed to be fabulously romantic.

I have tried, outwardly to also ooh and ahh along with them.

Inside however, I just don't quite feel it.

Fireworks don't move me....my emotional level is blah.

I don't get all excited, or emotional, or passionate about them.

Perhaps we can blame the fact that my ancestors have been shooting them into the sky and at people since the 7th century. Maybe that's why. I honestly couldn't care less about the colors, the kinds, the whizzing and exploding. Fireworks, for me are only interesting insofar that I enjoy seeing the reactions on my daughters' faces.

So to sum up.

Fireworks - meh.

Kids - RULE.

Happy FOURTH!

Cheers!!!

ps. GOD BLESS THE USA
...because gosh darn, we need it.

In a FUNK

.... I don't know what my problem is.

I'm in a FUNK.

... which makes me want to sing "play that funky music white boy...."

I don't feel like cleaning out my google reader... it just seems way too time consuming.

I don't feel like reading my book for book club.

I don't feel like meal planning...cooking.

I don't feel like blogging much...

I don't feel like editing videos, organizing photos.

.... I'm sort of blah towards all those things...

Nothing is wrong... it's just weird that all these things that I enjoy... or did enjoy are sort of falling off my radar.

...weird...this funky mood of mine. I'm thinking if I just chill with it... it'll pass. You know... trying to practice patience...with myself.

My Hot Baby

so cuddly, so sweet... so kissably cute

We're back... I have loads to say... but right now I'm nursing my baby. She reached a high of 104.2 Sun evening...after dealing with a 101-102 fever Sat. The fever finally broke today - but she also threw up... poor, poor flu baby.

On the plus side, we didn't leave the house all day, I didn't put any clothes on... ran around in my g's all day...and was able to spend some quality time with my oldest working on school work in prep for her first day of Kindergarten next week.

Shockingly, my house is still clean...and orderly. (I have to thank my hubby for cleaning when I was out for Youth Conference - for my Church chaperoning 12-18 year old guys and gals).

Anywho... more later. Tchau!

1 Reason Not to Get out of Bed Today

1. Colin Firth called me a "naughty little minx"

....it was in a dream - but worth staying in bed.

A Purpose

I just finished teaching a Morningside message today at seminary.

I am back in my pajamas too. See. I am never up this early in the morning.


I'm on day three of a stiff neck (I think it was stress or sleeping funny - stress from watching Fringe right before bed. Maybe I am now part of the patter?) although it's more mobile than day one and day two. I don't know if it's allergies or a cold, but my voice is hoarser and I am tired.

Wanna know what I was talking about today? I addressed adversity, and knowing how powerful each of is, and knowing beforehand what we stand for.

I taught my husband's Sunday School class for kids in 7/8 grade. The lesson was about President John Taylor, third president/prophet of the Church. I used the questions I was was asked when I took a TMA class at BYU. "Do you know how powerful you are?" and "What do you stand for?"

President John Taylor was known for being a "defender of the faith" and a "champion of liberty". I love that. I love his experiences - his living boldly with faith.

That afternoon I received a call from Bonnie, our seminary principal. I've taught seminary before - when I first finished college and was working. I taught my sister the Old Testament. I am a crazy tired grumpy woman without sleep. I think I scared those kids sometimes. So when I heard her tell me she was the seminary principal, I mentally prepared the word NO in my head.

But then she had to pull the "President Norman suggested I contact you since our original speaker will not be in town". First, I love Pres Norman. He is one of the kindest men. Second, he is in our stake presidency, so I am a rules girl - I will go and do what is asked of me.

I don't remember having Morningside when I was in seminary. Apparently it's a fireside in the morning. They do it every month on the last Friday of seminary. After the original speaker, they tried getting President Norman and our Bishop to speak. So I was totally a back-back-back... picking at straws back-up. No pressure.

I was grateful my husband had been sick and needed me to sub for him on Sunday - it was like a run through for Friday. I added a lot of new things, but essentially the message was the same... try to inspire these amazing teens with the knowledge that they have a purpose, that they can overcome adversity and that they are extremely powerful.

I was also grateful that a couple days ago the BYU Magazine came. In it was an Q&A with Randy Bott, and old professor of mine...and anyone that took "Sharing the Gospel" at BYU. I had forgotten his four elements of a sacrament meeting talk. So this was perfect in organizing all my thoughts I hadn't yet nailed down on paper.

Yesterday my girls who never go down for a nap without a fight, were quiet in their rooms long enough for me to finish writing all my thoughts down. They didn't nap, but they were quiet. What a blessing.


Also I wanted bean bags. I called a few stores, none of which carried any. So I called the crafter queen Angela. She said she'd whip some up in 20 min. She did. It was awesome.

Then I realized I needed someone to watch my girls since my hubby goes to work when I was to start teaching. My wonderful friend Brooke had time, and was willing to cut her morning swim short.

My little business card handouts came out great too.



Funny how things work out.

Last night Bonnie called to ask me how I was. She then asked how to introduce me. I told her just my name and ward is fine. I'm a nobody...I like it like that. She suggested that she could mention I was recommended by Pres Norman... I said NO WAY. No pressure. I don't want to puff myself up...don't need it, don't want it. Let the kids learn about me from me.

I think it went okay. I hope the messages came across. I prayed before I went to teach. I am always nervous when I teach. Why? Because I hope that I am a good tool for my Savior. I want the kids to hear what He wants them to, what they need through me. I like to imagine I'm a hollow tube to let His messages flow through me. So I'm nervous because I hope I don't clog up along the way. (har)

It was a good experience for me. I remember how hard school was. How scary it could be. How it felt to be picked on, insecure and feeling alone. But I know how it is to overcome, to let it pass (har)... to look back and be grateful because adversity makes us stronger.

We have great teens in our stake. They are dealing with much more than I ever had to. I"m grateful for the gospel. I'm grateful for the chance to spend a whole week preoccupied with preparing a lesson. It was a nice spiritual place to be. I think the Lord knew I needed a concentrated dose. All my silly challenges this week served in reminding me about adversity. I felt like this week, was very purposeful. Things fell into place.

I apologize if this is at all jumpy... I am never up this early. I so need a nap. Also, how cool is MormonWiki?

Kindling

Sometimes I feel like it's so easy to set me off.

Two weeks ago I had gone to the doctor (in another office - not our normal one, who was out on an emergency) to check on my 2 yr old's throat... she'd been complaining again, and I was worried it might be strep. We went, they swabbed - it came back negative. But, the Dr wrote out a prescription for antibiotics anyway. I had asked him to send the swab to the lab for the culture test...he didn't do it. I even called him back to ask him - he never returned the call. I did not use the antibiotics. She didn't even need it.

Last week my 2 yr old was bouncing on her sister's mattress when she konked her nose on the window sill. I called the Doctor's office. They said that if I left in 10 minutes I'd be able to be seen at my regular office before their lunch break.

I was literally 3 minutes away from their office when the receptionist called to say the nurse practioner that was on duty (the one that told me I was breast-feeding too long ...yeah I don't like her) wanted me to come back in an hour, because she had an errand to see to.

I. Was. Pissed.

Don't tell me to run like the wind, just to tell me to go back home. Doctors always make the patients wait forever in the waiting room anyway. The nurse practitioner can't wait 3 minutes? Seriously?

So we went all the way home, without time for a real nap, just to turn back around. Turns out it was just a bump - nothing broken. Thank goodness. The nurse practitioner acted sheepish. She said she had to drop off her car at the body shop.

Then my 4 yr old asked to have her ears checked. She said they were bothering her. She is prone to ear infections. The nurse practitioner checked and said it was iffy. But she wrote a perscription for antibiotics anyway.

What is the deal? I didn't give my girls the antibiotics, not one drop. Both didn't have any problems following their Dr's visits... and clearly didn't need the meds. Why on earth ... is writing an antibiotic perscription a knee-jerk reaction in the medical profession? Honestly!

I was ready to write scathing letters to the ped office about the free dosing of my kids, and the rude behavior regarding my possible broken baby nose... but I didn't. I actually calmed down. I know myself... I am like kindling...the littlest thing can set me off when it comes to my girls.

I love an inteview

I have a confession. I'm a pro at fantasy interviews. I've been doing them my entire life...at night, in bed... with reporters. They are always interested in some new achievement I've accomplished, or illuminating opinion. It's my own little, nighttime fantasy. Sexy...isn't it? I stopped doing interviews for the last few years...and I remember having one recently... apparently I had directed my first documentary film.

What? You don't have fantasy interviews at night? Well, what neurotic things do you do?

My husband will ask me every now and then, "So, any interviews lately? Why not? You need to get your people on that."

So...because I love interviews...I was a broadcast journalism major, you know... My friend the Greek Goddess sent me some questions. If you want to be interviewed, make a comment and I'll email you five or so questions. Make sure you write "have your people call my people" if you want an interview.

So, here are the questions, and my responses.

What are some things that are important to you that you are trying to instill in your children? (Can be small or big)

Simple things... like not picking things up and sticking them in our mouths. Or, stick with Mommy, I’ll keep you safe. Picking up after themselves, doing the dishes, folding clothes, saying please, thank you, you're welcome, bless you... etc.

Big things ... that we will always love them, no matter what they do, or how tired or grumpy we are. I want them to know that we aren’t perfect. That we make mistakes and we want to do better. I want them to know that they always have God on their side. I want them to have confidence in their youth, I want them to be their own person, not give in to peer pressure..and silly crowd mentality. I want them to know that when they pray - God listens. I want them to be happy.


If you were a fairy godmother and could "bless" a baby with any trait (think Sleeping Beauty) what would you give them?

Wow, I think I’d bless them with enduring hope/faith. I think if we always had a spark of that burning within us, we’d be able to endure our trials better, and enjoy the good times even more.

What 10 books would you read immediately if you had loads of time?

I love books...so to narrow it down to 10... HOW? Do you mean ones I’ve never read... or ones I want to reread?

Gone With the Wind
Little Women
C.S. Lewis writings both fiction/non
The Woman in White
Atlas Shrugged
Bible (haven’t read that all the way through since... college)
Book of Mormon (working on it again)
Freakonomics
Wild Swans
The Last Chinese Chef
Jane Austen writings
Rebecca
Wuthering Heights
Steinbeck

...there’s more... but I better stop now. If any of you have books you love and/or want to read - please SHARE. I’m always adding to my list.

What are some family traditions you have with your husband and children (not just holiday ones) that you really like?

We go on a lot of after dinner family walks around the neighborhood.

I always ask the girls “GUESS WHAT?” and the answer is always “I LOVE YOU”.

Making up verbal stories about the two Princess sisters...and telling them to each other in bed.

We like trying new restaurants and haunting our favorites together.

Picnics.

When Ry gets home from work he goes to the front door and calls out each daughter’s name in turn. They take turns running pell-mell into him. He swoops them up and spins them into a hug.

We dance in the kitchen, family room... we sing... we have family cuddle time.

If you could find the cure to one disease in the world which one would it be? I'm not sure if that is a fair question...

...heart break. But since that’s not possible... cancer, in all it’s forms.

If you could pick one talent for yourself that you don't already have what would it be?

This is hard to pick just one... I am just not as talented (in the traditional sense) as most of the people I know... I’d love to be able to sing... master an instrument, speak more languages, do complicated math in my head...

But to pick just one talent... to be calm/patient.

What is your favorite color and why?

Burgundy... a deep wine red. It makes me feel sassy, sexy, deep. Plus, it’s a great color on me.

What is your dream menu for a day-from breakfast to dinner and snacks in between?

Hot chocolate (like the kind my friend Brooke had) and a croissant from Paris
Fresh fruit... summer fruit
Asian fusion or sushi/terriyaki ...shark fin soup
Afternoon tea with all it’s accouterments
Indian food, perfect sea scallops, crab and a heavenly chocolate souffle
Freshly picked veggies (like the Parcel 104 restaurant in San Jose...)

If I could really have a dream menu...I’d have a gourmet chef create wonderful dreamy tastes all day, from the freshest ingredients available.

What are some things you like about yourself?

I’m friendly... the thing is, I wasn’t always outgoing and friendly. I used to be painfully awkward and shy. I had to choose to be the way I am, and work at it constantly. I do it because I remember, and often still know what it is like to be ignored...disregarded. So I reach out because I don’t want other people to feel that ache. Sure, I still feel that way now and then, and yes, I want to give up being the one to reach out... but if I don’t do it...no one else will. It helps to know I have control over something, and to take responsibility.

I’m curious. I love learning new things, experiencing new things. I’m a planner. I am intensely loyal. I’m passionate and thoughtful. I’m generous. But...with these traits...come weaknesses too. Lots of weaknesses.

Where do you get your inner strength from?

Sometimes I wonder if I have strength... or if it’s all just wishful thinking. I hope it doesn’t sound too cliche... but even when I was a child, feeling utterly alone and unwanted... the hope that God was there for me, even if he didn’t deliver me from my pain... helped me survive. I think the fact that I wasn’t the only one, that I wanted to protect others too... made a big difference. I guess at my core I’m a big huge Momma bear, always ready to pounce for those who are hurting.

Tell me something about your journey as a woman in the church.

I grew up in the Church. Despite that I’ve had the ebb and flow of commitment and rebellion. Most of the times these happen within my heart...and aren’t necessarily exhibited. There were moments where I felt a great sense of purpose and belonging...and moments where I felt left alone, some strange child-experiment, meant to be poked, prodded and hurt to see how much it would take to break her. I’ve also felt doubt. Now I’m mostly confident...and sure. Peaceful. I know I don’t have, or understand all the answers - but I’m okay with that, because I here to learn, and improve, bit-by-bit.

I have always felt that as a woman I have an incredible power for good or ill. I’ve always thought an educated woman was more effective, than an uneducated one. I’m not talking about just a degree...although that is a big deal to me - I’m talking life experience. I think it’s important to have a desire to learn new things, meet new people and listen to different ideas. I think that as women, with the important role of shaping young minds, we have a responsibility, to be interested in the world around us. I think we ought to be curious, yearn to learn more...because when we are like that - then our children will be like that. If we constantly say “I can’t do that, I don’t know how to do that” our children will reflect that back to us. But if we say “I don’t know, but I want to learn” or “I can figure this out”... our children will discover that there are no barriers, except the ones we place in front of us.

I don’t fit into the general mold of mormon woman... and I am okay with that. That just means I find myself trying to help others realize that they don’t have to conform to that mold. That means I teach my girls to be true to themselves.

I believe that if we have questions, we should ask them. We should ask the questions of those we know are “strong” in the Church. And if one or two or more don’t have the answers - keep asking. But ask the right people. You don’t ask someone who’s shaky on foundation building to teach you how to pour one. You ask the expert. Same with faith.

Also... I often have to remind myself that my testimony must be founded on Christ. If I believe Him - then I can stand tall. No matter what other people do... my testimony is not dependent on them...but on Him. People are flawed. From family members to friends and neighbors...ward members... we are all flawed. So if we want a sure testimony we can’t depend on family, friends, etc... we can only depend on Christ. “I can do all this through Christ, which strengthenth me.” Phil 4:13 (One of my lovely roommates Holly Gilliland shared this verse with me when I was a sophomore at BYU - I have repeated it to myself... many times over since then)

Oscar

Or... how adorable is Hugh Jackman??!!

I would've have skipped the kiss-a, love-fest that is the Oscars. BUT... my guy Hugh Jackman was on... you know... Wolverine.

For those of you that did watch - when Tilda Swinton said "The five of us represent...." Didn't you want her to say "...the final five cylons"?

I'm a sucker for song and dance - so Hugh... *sigh*... but what was up with Beyonce lip-sinking...and being off with the music track?

That's all... and I don't like smug, self-important actors like Penn... he bugs...and I want to iron out his wrinkles...and I hate ironing.

....and I forgot... I loved the short animated film acceptance... "Domo Arrigato Mr. Roboto...." awesome.

Passing Gas

Last night... as I writhed and contemplated how I would kneel at the porcelain thrown, I was somewhat, pleasantly, surprised. I kept myself hydrated with Ginger Ale. I munched on saltines whenever the saliva folks were working overtime in my mouth and I figured I should have something to throw up - so I ate chicken noodle soup. I even snacked on some blueberries for color when the dastardly dead would finally ...ultimately happen.

I watched my face color fade to a dreary, 70s yellow with track lighting. I had to lay down to avoid the light-headed drunken walk. Despite all this I did not anticipate on a few things. The ache in my back as if a disc wanted freedom, the extra gas (urp!) I would expel through my mouth and... well the flatulence. I have a friend who says she doesn't fart. She just has flatulence. Either way... it is ... what it is.

So last night as I finally made peace with the fact that it was my turn to surrender to the flu... it turns out I was saved by loud tummy (intestine?) noise...and powerful, chi like ... well farts. The noise kept me up...and it was a tossy-turny kind of a night. BUT... I did not throw up. Eventually the chills left and I felt my body temperture go back to normal.

This might be too much information - but I like to remember it as my own little miracle. Seriously - I believe in miracles...even in the form of... gas. The burps and farts, as lady-like as they are... saved me... tender mercies baby... tender mercies.

Wretched Mr. Winter

I am not a fan of being cold. I despise being cold. If I was ever lost in a frozen wasteland I'd curl up in a ball and stop moving. Cold makes me lethargic and miserable. If you know me, you know I crave sunshine, beach-weather. I like tropical humidity. I ache for natural solar power - that's where I get my energy.

The last few years... January has brought disease. Two years ago we had the flu. But I kept feeling nauseous for three months...and discovered that I happened to also be pregnant with M. Last year - we were all sick with colds. This year, finds us saying "January Blows".

It didn't help that my little girls were sick with colds an entire month leading up to Christmas. Then have them drop like flies to the call of the flu. Seeing your babies throw up destroys me. They can't understand what's happening. They're terrified of it. It was worse when they were even younger and they tried to swallow it back down. This is one case where I'd rather do it for them....it's so desperately sad.

Now my hubby is dealing with it. Listening to him suffer through this was awful. The only thing I can be grateful for is that he was home when the girls were going through this. I had someone to help me....not lose my mind. I am grateful that my girls are ... out of the woods at this point... and am hopeful that I may escape unscathed. Afterall - I have to take care of my honey and girls.

Winter blows... the only thing that helps is that we live in California, where the sun comes out and there isn't snow mixed with nasty slush sitting around. The chance to leave the house ... is a lifesaver.

Twilight Friday

My friend Carrie had told me about this fantastic chocolate boutique, Ginger Elizabeth, in midtown Sac. So we decided we'd make the drive just to get some hot chocolate and treats before the movie. I am glad I went. Carrie is one of my friends who appreciates gourmet food. She's a premiere cook in my book.

If you go - try the Oaxacan Spicy Hot Chocolate... it's not spicy - but the flavors play a little music on your tongue. They also make marshmallows from scratch for the hot chocolate... holy heaven!

Carrie highly recommended the Parisian Macarons...please tell me they have these in the next life. I also purchased a box of 12 chocolates to share with my hubby... I love that there are chocolates with lychee in them... I love lychee. I love savoring good quality chocolates.



Below you'll see some of their exquisite cakes. The Café Cremeux is supposed to be one of the best... but since they have it all the time...I took home the Fall Dessert below, right. It has pumpkin mousse, bittersweet chocolate cream, salty caramel sauce, and a chocolate graham cracker crust. Vampires have their blood lust... I have gourmet food-chocolate lust.



Then we were off to the movie...I had my hubby meet me at the theater so he wouldn't have to wait...

Sally must've said something funny... that's why I'm laughing like a hyena.

My lovely friend Sally and her hubby Chuck. Sally is someone who is a kindred spirit. She is one of the people in my life that I am forever grateful for. Plus, she is sassy ...I love that we can talk about anything, and everything. The two of them love to ride motorcycles. They do awesome trips all the time and ... she made him take her to Forks, Washington... that's what it says on her sweatshirt. They are awesome people. I keep asking activities people in our ward to make him Santa... but nobody listens to me...shocker. ;-)

Julie, Carrie, Jaime, Teri and Kathy

These are a few of the ladies from the book group I'm in. They are awesome. I love women like them. Wise, smart, funny, sassy and real. I relate to women like them who know what's important and don't fuss with the silly, shallow world. Centered women inspire me.

I went into the movie with very low expectations. I was one of those Harry Potter readers who didn't like the movies. I was pleasantly surprised... there were a lot of funny things I laughed at... some meant to be funny, others, accidentally funny.

My favorite scene was Edward's reaction to Bella on her first day in Biology. I didn't like the way they did Edward showing Bella why vampires can't go out in the sun. It was nothing like I had hoped... given that scene was what spawned the series. The actress that played Bella was overacting in parts.. but Bella was always sort of whiny and moody...

I was very surprised by the actor playing Edward. I'm curious how they're going to bulk up the little guy playing Jacob. They're going to need quite a makeover. Poor Jasper didn't get any explanation as to why he always looks constipated. I love the characer and the gal that plays Alice.

The gal that played Esme didn't do as awful I anticipated. I couldn't stand her character on Grey's Anatomy.

That's all that I can think of right now... my memory is short. What did you think/remember?

Yes, I was the one "shushing" the crazy teens/moms who coudn't resist to act like twitterpated crazies.

ps. I'm so excited for Coraline the movie.

Time is running out!

Last chance!

Free shipping ends tonight at midnight!

30% off towels!

Must have boots of the season!

Bogo ends Tuesday!

Delete, Delete, Delete.

Do you get emails like this? It drives me nuts. I know I should go and unsubscribe - but I wonder, what if... what if there's some crazy good deal?

Truth is though - I rarely ever shop. Don't get me wrong - I love retail therapy as much as the next gal, but I don't feel the compulsion anymore. I've never understood how you could go to Target every day to purchase things. I'm just tired of things...things that clutter, gather dust and take up space and energy.

My money ends up going to food. That I can get with. I believe in feeding our bodies and souls. All that extra stuff is just window dressing...and it fades... all of it.

This year I'm a little grateful for the economic woes. Don't get me wrong...it hurts...but it's only when we hurt that we reflect and focus. It's time that we trim the fat. We spend far too much time accumulating things. Those American automakers begging for a handout... I say, it's time to close shop... I don't care how long you've been in business. There are other automakers out there... doing a good job...and not failing. Maybe... just maybe you need to swallow the pride and arrogance to reevaluate the lack of quality...the entire business model, and change.

Failing businesses are just one way the natural market takes care of success and mistakes. Do we really need a Circuit City a few miles from a Best Buy, Costco and Sam's Club? Do we need a Starbucks across the parking lot from a grocery store, which already has a Starbucks inside? Waste...

Truthfully, I remember running around a mall with bags galore... but that was when I was young and naive. Also... that shopping never did fulfill whatever it was I was trying to fill. I'm grateful for a chance to grow older and wiser. Maybe we could get gifts people need... not want. And if they don't need anything... find a way to show appreciation.

Another thing I recently learned... too many of us walk around with a mantra of "I should do..." I've learned saying that...and doing whatever you think "you should" will not make you happy. Maybe the activity is a good thing... but why bother doing it if your heart isn't in it? Happiness comes from placing our hearts in whatever it is we're doing, willingly. That's not to say there aren't things we ought to do... but there are a lot of outside commitments, and people we give of our precious time and energy that just don't make us happy.

This season I'm raising a glass to gratitude, saving, and losing the fat.

I'm not in denial

Sure I have a cotton-head, sandpaper throat and my nose isn't totally clear. My eyes are actually sore...but that's only when they're open. And, yes I'd like to keel over into sleep at a moment's notice... but I'm not sick.

These are the reasons why I'm definitely not sick:

My husband isn't feeling well.
My oldest is still coughing, has a runny/stuffy nose...and threw up 3 days ago.
My youngest just threw up and has a runny nose, with occasional coughing. (Thrown up hot dog makes me not want one for a very, very long time)
I have dinner to finish, laundry to do and I need to get this house in order...again.
I also have a calling to complete...I get to do the newsletter and that means I get to beg, nag people to get me content about them.
Moms aren't allowed sick days....didn't you know?

So I am definitely, one-hundred percent fine. Totally well... I just need some more tea and honey...

Anyone else not in denial?

Now we can return...

...to our regular scheduled programming.

A favorite book right now... Can You Hear It? the girls got this from my friend Carrie for their birthdays. They love dancing to it. It's a feast of works of art and musical masterpieces. I love the girls singing to the Cat opera... and if you like Little Einsteins mix of art and music...you'll love this too.



I also need to make cinnamon rolls for my hubby to take to work tomorrow...because I promised his guys that I would if PROP 8 WINS! ;-) Cheers!

ps. I need to figure out how to keep the girls occupied while I sneak in a much needed shower.

Weary

I'm feeling weary.

Another couple facebook "friends" have decided they need to attack my opinions and beliefs. It's frustrating. I suppose facebook creates this weird world... I need to stop thinking that just because I hold their feelings in high esteem - that doesn't mean they feel the same way. I've always forgotten that not everyone thinks the way I do - it always gets me ... down in the dumps disappinted.

I don't understand. Why is it that I am not allowed to have my own opinion? Why is it only "liberals" are allowed to? Why is it that the only ones that choose to respond to articles I post to my own wall on facebook - are folks who know they can't change my mind? So what is the point? I don't go to their spaces to rant and rave my opinions on their walls. I understand they don't feel the same - so I don't. I don't because it's respectful. I accept them for their beliefs - why can't they accept me for mine?

It's like all the commenting I do on YouTube videos. I comment on YES on Prop 8 ones. The ones I agree with. I don't go actively in search of a fight on the no on prop 8 ones. It's like those folks with signs on their lawns. The YES on Prop 8 camp don't actively go around stealing, defacing and assaulting folks that don't agree. Then why does the no on 8 campaign do that?

It seems the ones that hate free speech the most - are the ones that only allow it - if you agree with them. There is no room for dissent. These are the same people that cheer each other on when they break laws - defacing property, illegally stealing signs. Is this supposed to foster more tolerance and kindness, or revulsion?

I'm weary because I would jump to defend any of my so-called "friends" if they were bombarded with attacks. But it seems ... I appropriately named my blog... I'm alone on this.

It would be so much easier for me to be silent. So easy to not offfend one party or another. But I've never been a fan of wishy-washy, fence-sitting, silently offending no one. I don't want to be someone you can't trust. I want to be someone you know squarely where I stand. Trust me, if I didn't have to... I wouldn't raise my voice - but I realize that the situation is dire, it is serious and we only have this chance to get it right. It's not fun placing a big star on your head. It has nothing to do with bravery... I've always got my stomach in knots - because who likes to be singled out and attacked? Who likes to be the "freak" that speaks up?

I'm tired of folks saying that I should support same-sex marriage because it's akin to interacial marriage. This is pattently false - from a gospel point of view. From a gospel point of view homosexuality is immoral. Interacial marriage is not. There I go - being totally un-PC. But I care more about what God thinks than keeping my mouth shut. I think many members of the Church have forgotten this. We have slowly, slid down that slippery slope. We have forgotten who we are.

I'm tired of labels of bigot and homophobe - slapping inflammatory labels on people demonstrates an unwillingness, inability to foster open, honest, heartfelt communication. It shows that people who do this don't care what you have to say - they just don't want you to say it. Frankly, I'm tired of it. It's old. It's something that doesn't take into account that you may not agree with someone - but that doesn't make them evil. We're all people. I may not agree with someone - but that doesn't make them evil. That kind of characterization is childish at best.

I'm tired of people using the argument - "how can Mormon's support Prop 8 - the evangelicals support it and they hate you". So... my actions are dictated by how people think of me? I suppose much of our society and folks... that's how they determine whether they will or won't act on truth. But that doesn't work for me. I believe in a Prophet - I believe in God... marriage wasn't created by goverments... that's not what I believe. The Church is not sending out an edict - God has. The Church is merely protecting, defending what God has already made whole.

This is not just a California issue... it's a national issue. It will hit every state, every home if it doesn't suceed. So... do you want to battle it out now - making sure the fight doesn't come to your door - or do you want to wait until you have to deal with it on your doorstep, in your living room. Trust me... no matter how conservative you think your state is... it's coming.

I'm weary. But I'll keep doing what I'm doing - because we each have to carry torches of light - we can't afford to let it drop thinking someone else will carry it... chances are - you are the last one...and no one will be there to lift it up.

Just one foot in front of another...

Invent this

I'm eating my lunch.

My oldest is at preschool and my little one is napping. I'm eating quickly so I can get to my chores.
I was enjoying my soy marinated egg... (the one that kids would make fun of me for as a kid)... they are delicious. I was also eating my peanut flavored noodles with chicken. Then a light-bulb went off... it's an old light-bulb...I get this same idea every few blips... but I rarely remember to write it down until today.

I wish there was something... that I could easily transport food items I make that I want to share with people I like. I love sharing things I like. I love giving something I love to someone I care about.

Remember those transporter thingys where those star trekkers ...whatever they are ... how their food would materialize? Can't we do something like that in each home - so we can share with each other ...or in this case foodie friends? I have a friend, Carrie who is a cook after my own heart. I'd love to virtually pop-in via some screen and have her transport a taste of her yummy concoctions into my kitchen. I'd love to do the same.

Part of my problem in getting food out to friends...is the short shelf-life and dragging two kids along... making sure someone is home... obstacles. Oh and if something totally random turns out great (like a veggie soup I made recently) - I'd like something to analyze it and tell me how much of each ingredient I actually put in.

Also... I'd love an idea of having a few families do a meal group. Where we each take a day and make enough meals for however big/small the group is...so we all end up cooking once or twice a week. The only catch is finding people who cook like you - and have good taste.

Maybe instead of all the pills to help boys get their stick up... maybe they could invent something that would actually make a difference.

ps. If you don't read my blog understanding 99% of the time my tongue is in my cheek... well - I'm not sure what to say to you.

Alaska...

Foreign policy. FYI - I have none. My blood came from Taiwan...and China - but I'm mostly white on the inside.

Here's my take on the foreign policy bit for Sarah Palin the VP candidate. I cant' stress enough that she is just running for VP. Aren't VPs just accessories?

Bad answer with Couric. I wished that Palin had just admitted, and said "I don't have any. I'm a Governor. That's something I will learn on the job, like Reagan and Clinton. Both men who ran for president, the top job. I imagine foreign policy will also be something that Obama, who is running for that top job, will need to learn, if he is elected president too."

I wish she said that. Given the amount of media trainers and PR people - that's the answer I would've recommended. You take the bite out of it by being honest. Don't try to create the answer...just be honest about the fact that her role is the VP... not president. Let's be honest... when has the VP been anything more than dressing?

That's what I would do... but then again - if I was in that same situation - I might of gotten all silly too... if I were put in a position to be VP - heck yes, I'd give it a go. Maybe that's why I like it that someone not polished has that chance.

I'm not naive enough to think either party has the answers. Or that any candidate is sent from heaven. (Mitt was pretty close *wink*) But there are things that I hold dear that mesh more with one party than another. That's how it goes.

Here's the deal. I don't think any of the candidates are bad people. Misguided maybe... But... I do believe that people who think Obama is the Messiah are nutjobs. Sorry, I do. He's no different than any other politician. And whenever you ask what people mean by Change... they have blank old faces, and an inability to articulate. Anytime people claim something too good to be true... I check my butt... I'd like to know what color smoke they're blowing up my ass.

Dark and Twisty

I think I just needed a cause to get me out of my funk. I'm a fighter... a lover... mostly a fighter... I feel more me lately with a cause to fight for.

Keeping the pipes clean

It's Friday and I feel naughty.

Today the girls had a play date at a friend's house. It was perfect because my hubby was home and we had a little mid-morning delight.

It's a HAPPY FRIDAY.

Dark Knight

My hubby and I went out on an afternoon lunch and movie date. We ate at our town center's new family-owned cantina and then saw Dark Knight.

Stunning. Splendid. I didn't want to like Ledger's work just because everyone is talking about him...what with the abrupt ending of his life. However...his character was terrifying, the stuff of nightmares...but mixed in with moments where it made me laugh out loud. It was such a strange experience. I could not believe this was the same Ledger from 10 Things I Hate About You or A Knight's Tale. He was fantastic.

Part of why I worried Ledger was going to get too much attention -which he is, and rightfully so... is that Christian Bale is equally magnificent. I have been a fan of his since Disney's Newsies. If a guy can dance, sing and act... I'm a huge fan. I loved the old movies where all the actors were true MDT people. Bale is well - scrumptious.

As for Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine - they are gentleman in every sense of the word. They add to every scene ...they class up the gig. They can't help but command respect.

Unfortunately... Gyllenhaal taking over for Holmes... was merely an exchange of poor choice actresses. I hope the next one... they'll find a woman who can rise to the occasion to match her male counterparts.

Eckhart is a surprise. He actually held his own.

I love Nolan's direction with Batman. He infuses the movies with a realism and dark grittiness that remind me of the new 007's with Daniel Craig.

ps. I'm also excited for Bale as the new John Connor in Terminator...