Peaceful Transitions

I should've been enjoying a blissful Sunday nap. But I was so fired up I couldn't sleep.

Today started out lovely... we had our Stake Conference - we witnessed a very peaceful transition from our wonderful previous Stake leadership, to our new equally wonderful Stake leadership.

Our former Stake president, President Wood was a great man. I never knew him personally - but always appreciated his kind heart. I will miss President Norman - one of Wood's counselors. He and his wife were two people who demonstrated genuine love and concern. I still remember how President Norman's wife would lift my spirits each Sunday when I was pregnant with my oldest. She is a brilliant ray of sunshine and he is a very good man.

My husband and I were able to renew our temple recommends right before Stake Conference. So we were two of the last people that the other counselor, President Harrison interviewed. He is now the new Stake President. I never knew him, until that interview, and discovering he was our new leader for this stake felt so perfect. In my interview with him there was something about looking into his eyes. It was holy. It actually brought me to tears in the interview. It was like he could see into my soul and he was so loving. I felt my Savior's love through his eyes. And when he asked me after the interview, "how has the Savior blessed you recently?" I lost it and ... probably did a lot of ugly crying. Those questions asked in the interview bring out my fierce testimony of the gospel... it shakes me to my core...because I wish I could place my heart out on the table and show them that yes, yes I do... I do believe and will stand and fight for what I believe on every battlefront, no matter how often I have to do it.

In light of the rabble rousing in the House and Senate seats of our government, I couldn't help but feel how lucky a people we are to have these peaceful transitions. That there is a hallowed trust that peacefully passes from person to person.

We had a couple seventies also speak at the conference. A few things they said totally resonated with me. I have forgotten their names...and will work on finding out what those names were. The first area authority, Elder Tinney (sp?) to speak said this, "God wants our exaltation more than we do." I thought that was so interesting. In light of our trials, our success, our daily lives, nothing surprises God. We are here with our own tailor made earth experience - meant to teach us, to exalt us. The hardest thing for us ... or me, is to not ask "why me?" but ask "what can we learn?"

He also spoke about how meeting with many Bishops and leaders in the So Cal region he asked about the youth. And the constant refrain he heard was "we can't compete with the world." He told us that "We don't compete with the world, the world cannot compete with us." (I like to add the world cannot compete with God) We shouldn't try to compete with the world. Our job is to do our duty, do the things we're supposed to, pray, hold family home evening, read our scriptures, pray often, follow the Prophet, the SIMPLE things... do them with our families and bring the Holy Ghost into our homes, our lives. When we stand in holiness, our homes become holy places and we will not need to compete with the world because, as Elder Jardin said, "holiness is not dull; it is irresistible."

They also strongly advocated more family time, gospel time, in lieu of competition sports, extracurriculars, and other activities that keep the kids running around and the parents frazzled. If we're not taking the time to eat family dinners with each other, play games with each other and be present... we are missing out on what our mission is. In the end, the number of trophies, competitions, applause will not matter. What will matter is how close our children are to their Father in Heaven. What will matter is their knowledge of their mission here on earth. Those other things matter... perhaps to our ego, to peers, to... the world - but they don't matter in the eternal perspective. Like all those PSAs about spending time with family...it really is that simple.



They also spoke about, what is the greatest sin. The greatest sin is a sin against the Holy Ghost. I'd forgotten that. The reason why is that witnesses of the Holy Ghost are absolute, perfect, and the adversary can't imitate, can't duplicate it's truth, nor it's peaceful calm. It is our responsibility to cultivate an environment conducive to this spirit, to share, to witness of it.

I have a great friend, Carrie. She is incredibly accomplished - but she doesn't constantly bring up her past career in every little conversation...like some women are apt to do. I admire her immensely for this. I admire many of the women I surround myself with who understand the value of, and cherish their role within motherhood.

She and I talk of our frustration sometimes that some women don't see the eternal perspective of how important their calling is. We often discuss how in light of the challenges our children, and our children's children will face, we can't be lax when it comes to those simple things. Sure, growing up, we might have experienced some laxness - but this is a different time. We can't afford to not hold FHE. We can't afford to not teach our children lessons from the Book of Mormon. We simply must do all in our power to arm our children for the battles they will have to face. And they will be forced to face the battle head-on. We can't fail them when it comes to character, testimony, faith and knowing who they are.

We've also talked about how we used to look at the pioneers who struggled for survival... and think... we could never do that. And then to hear that they looked on our day in awe. I'm starting to understand that awe. We aren't just battling to survive. We're battling for our souls. There used to be a time where the world was outside our homes... maybe even outside our communities. But with the advancing of our world ... it's in every hand held device, every word from a neighbor, classmate, teacher, grocer...

Carrie's mentioned how she has always felt she had a special mission. Something huge and meaningful to accomplish. She knows that that mission is teaching her children, preparing them, guiding them. I love having a friend like her. I feel that, that mission is mine as well. In a world where nearly everything is replaceable, easily purchased, or simply cut out and remodeled.... this mission of motherhood for each of our children ... this mission, this calling, is irreplaceable.

As a mother I simply can't afford to be insecure about my role. I can't afford to search desperately for self-fulfillment...and to be honest, I am past that, thankfully. I may be insecure about other things, but when it comes to motherhood - I know it's where I belong. I know that it is more important than easy accolades, fame and fawning praise from others. I know I belong here, in my home, fighting the battles that come, arming my daughters with strength...and constantly picking myself up, starting again when I mess up. I believe that letting my daughters see me make mistakes, and pick myself up, shows them that when they make mistakes, they can pick themselves up and brush off the dirt and try again.

Today's meeting a was a vigorous wake up call. A call to remind me, urge me, require me to understand that if I want to be a beacon to my children, if I want to aide them in their life's mission - that I have to be living my life in a way that I can feel, hear, and respond to the whisperings, promptings of the Holy Ghost. I'm understanding how necessary it is to provide a home where that spirit can reside. It's not something that would be nice to have, an accessory - it's something that is required.

I have another friend, M--, who is dealing with her own trials. She and her family have leaned on the promptings of the Holy Ghost. She is one lady I know who invites that spirit into her home on a daily basis. Tonight she told that recently she was hurriedly getting her home in order to escape a potential situation, she felt the spirit tell her "I'll tell you. I'll tell you if you need to go."
She listened to that spirit and they had a wonderful day as a family. But she was ready to hear it. She was prepared, because she was doing what she was supposed to do. She's a great example to me of faith and doing the simple things that matter most.

I think about the challenges we all face, will face, have faced. These challenges are the reason why we need the Atonement. We can't do it alone. We aren't able to. We need Him. As we face the challenges, as we travel through them, I now realize, more than ever, how much I need to cultivate that spirit, the spirit that will help me to know the right thing to do, say, to protect us from the challenging transitions of life, and fill us with peace.

I believe we are a lucky people. How lucky to be loved by a God who prepares a way for us. How lucky to have a God who wants our exaltation more than we can understand. How lucky to have a God who loves us, as we are, individually.

Ohhhhhmmmmm

Saturday during the beginning of Yoga the instructor started talking about a weekend class she was hosting at her home with a priestess and shaman or something. I sort of tuned out. But then she said something that I latched onto for the rest of the hour. She asked us to remove the violence from our minds. The violence we inflict on ourselves, in our heads, in what we tell ourselves in the silence. She said, "be grateful for your body, for what you can do, for what you have."

Can't do this...yet.

Have I had an internal hang-up about my body since ...um forever? Yep. Which is silly, because I look back and think, "wow you looked good girl". But I never appreciated it then. So I'm going to try harder to appreciate what I have now. I'm going to appreciate that I can run. I will appreciate my flexibility, my healthy limbs and able lungs. I'm going to say thank you to my heart that keeps this whole thing pumping, for the ability to breath in and out, to cleanse the air inside my blood. I'm going to appreciate what I can see, smell, hear, taste and touch...

Can do this! Yay!

I'm not going to worry that I can't quite get into some of those complicated yoga poses, but I can do many others. I'm not going to worry that my limbs are not as lithe as I'd want them, but appreciate that they are hard working muscles. I'm going to be more grateful for this body made especially for me.

To be grateful for what we have...how very zen.

Namaste.

Phoenix Sundays

Yesterday in Sacrament meeting our friend John spoke. He talked about a man who was too scared to share the miracle of penicillin to a group of his peers. He then talked about how working in commercial real estate his colleague would tell his team, "you don't have to call all your land lords, just the ones you want to keep". It's like the flossing one... "you don't have to floss all your teeth, just the ones you want to keep".

He related it to sharing what brings us joy, peace and safety. We don't have to share the gospel with all our friends, just the ones we want to keep. That sort of hit it home for me.

Then in Sunday School our fantastic teacher Greg, talked about the Priesthood. Usually lessons about the Priesthood are one-sided. He was able to bring it to all of us. As he taught us about the history, the order that has been set up, I thought about how while there is this great authority bestowed on those that are worthy, it actually is still a tool the Lord gives to teach us. Just because a man has that authority, doesn't make him perfect. It means, he's still learning, the Lord trusts him.

As a woman and mother I think of this often. That having the power to create life doesn't make me an all powerful being (in a teeny, tiny little lamp - sorry Aladdin reference). This gift of motherhood makes me feel a little inadequate...ok fine, a lot inadequate (I know...not grammatically correct...but I'm not asking for a grade on this one). I realize how little I know, and how much I learn as I go, and how much I have to learn over-and-over again. There's never time to sit back and rest on my laurels and say, "yep, I'm all powerful and I know it all, muahahahaha". When I start acting like that, it's time to commit me to a mental home.

My favorite part of the lesson was where we read in D&C 121 about how the Priesthood should be used, and the blessings from it. I think we glean a lot from this that we can apply to Motherhood, and Fatherhood.

40 Hence many are called, but ^afew are chosen.

41 No ^apower or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the ^bpriesthood, only by ^cpersuasion, by ^dlong-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

42 By ^akindness, and pure ^bknowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the ^csoul without ^dhypocrisy, and without ^eguile—

43 ^aReproving betimes with ^bsharpness, when ^cmoved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of ^dlove toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;

44 That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of ^adeath.

45 Let thy ^abowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let ^bvirtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy ^cconfidence wax strong in the ^dpresence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the ^edews from heaven.

46 The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant ^acompanion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of ^brighteousness and truth; and thy ^cdominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever.

These verses teach us how we are to treat those we have stewardship over. Greg, our teacher asked us, what our "dominion" was. He said as parents, our children are our dominion, and if we practice gentleness, charity, kindness, and make sure virtue garnishes our thoughts, we shall have the Holy Ghost as a constant companion. Our dominion, our children will flow unto us without being forced, coerced... they will willingly follow our examples of righteousness. Gentleness, begets gentleness.

I sat there in the meeting looking at these verses in a way I'd never seen them before. It was like finding the most simple answers to all of my parenting questions. I sat there thinking... it's so simple... and yet, also so hard.

I realized I need to do better, work harder to make myself more pure, more gentle, more persuasive in kindness as a mother. The answer is there. The choice is mine, will I do it... and reap the blessings, or will I make excuses and act weak and foolish.

Then in RS my fabulous friend Carrie taught about Peace. I love that word, Peace. It's like how Peter, Susan and Lucy felt when the Beavers told them about Aslan... I feel all warm and comforted when I hear the world Peace.

I feel Peace in the temple. The reverence, the quiet. And... it was like the Lord was telling me, "If you want peace in your own home, follow the example of mine." So, I'm going to start, again, I'm going to try harder on Monday to be more patient, kind, persuasive and more pure in my thoughts. I'm going to try to be softer in my tone of voice... I'm going to try a little harder to be a little better for my girls.

I am not expecting perfection. I am miles and miles from there. But I know the Lord will appreciate my tiny, little efforts... because I'll give all I've got. And when I fall short, which I know I will - he will accept me, and cheer for me when I pick myself up and try again. You know why? He loves me, just as I am.

Peace in Holy Places

Sacramento, California Temple (where K my daughter has a little pebble with her name on it in the foundation)

This morning was my turn to head to the Temple. It's been a while since I've been. I don't know why I hadn't thought of the idea sooner. One Sunday during Relief Society I turned to my friend C, and asked if she wanted to swap babysitting so we could take turns going to the temple during the day. She said yes, and this month was our first go of it.

It ends up being about 3-4 hours of babysitting...and the temple is close to us. When I had her kids the week before it was actually really peaceful and fun...and entertaining... you remember this post.

There's something about the temple that just feels like home to me. I'm a pretty high-energy gal...except when I am sleep-deprived... so to walk into the temple, or for that matter, just driving into the parking lot calms me. I feel like a nicer, more relaxed version of myself... a better version.

Provo, Utah Temple

I was able to work in the Provo Temple as a temple worker my last year at BYU. I've never felt odd going to the temple, I've always felt at peace. I wish I had the time to work consistently in the temple, but I'm grateful that anytime I do go, it reminds me of the time I spent working with the sweetest Grandmas and Grandpas at the Provo Temple. The Provo one might look like an electric carrot, or a birthday cake... but that temple will always be special to me... because I walked it's halls early in the morning.

I sometimes wish we could, just leave the world all behind and walk the temple halls, or sit pondering with our own little families. I want to live at the temple.

Oakland, California Temple - where we were married

Today I felt incredibly strengthened, humbled and grateful. There's something about being allowed in the Lord's house that makes me weep. I was thinking on patience today. I need to practice more patience when it comes to my overly intelligent four-year old. As I sat thinking about this, I realized that my Heavenly Father has infinite patience with me. If he can have that amount of patience for me... I can do better with my own stewardship. They are His children, after all... I will be held accountable if I am not more patient with these precious souls. He will help me.

I was also thinking about the way Hollywood (the world/great and spacious building) looks at us. Those of us that stand on the Lord's side and make a very public stand for family. At the temple I was reminded that fame, the world's wealth, and silver tongues will all be used against the eternal plan. Reflecting on this, I once again was reminded that it matters not if the world, it's courts, etc agree with us. What matters is that the Lord knows where we stand. That when it comes down to it, we let those around us know exactly where we stand when it comes to what is worth protecting. For that, I am grateful that I made a definite mark in the sand and took, and will continue to take a stand. The world is a fickle place. I'm so grateful that when we follow the Lord there is order, there is peace, amidst the trials and sacrifices.

Laie, Hawaii Temple - where my hubby R, proposed

At the temple I was reminded that children are given to us to bring us joy. So much of the day-to-day can be mundane and seem like a tiny grain of sand ... but it is that diligent work to improve and to be better parents, to focus on our children that will endure. I know my husband and I often talk about the challenges of parenting two daughters who are both smarter than both of us, combined. We are constantly worried how our actions affect them. We want to raise them to be strong, faithful, happy and secure women. We often wish that there was a step-by-step book to tell us what to do in every situation.

What we have settled on... until someone publishes that desperately needed book ... is to remember the big picture. Will silly annoyances really affect their eternal welfare... or do we just need to chill out? (yes, we often need to chill out)

I also sat in the temple thinking about Trust. I realized that I am starting to understand the extent of the trust I place in my Heavenly Father. That I trust in his love, patience and blessings. I realize that as imperfect beings, we often can corrupt the trust placed in us, by our own children. I hope I remember to work hard each day to earn my girls' trust. I realized that each day, it is my job to earn their respect, earn their love and demonstrate to them that they matter more to me than praise from people outside my home. For some reason, putting the burden of responsibility back on myself... makes things clearer for me.

Nauvoo, Illinois Temple - a temple that is simply gorgeous...and something to drive to in the middle of the night when you and your hubby can't sleep in St. Louis.

I also thought about sacrifice and equality. I often like to go on a rampage when I see women mistreated. I am so overly concerned about gender equality sometimes that I try to make things equal between me and my hunny. When... there is no need to. He's happy to see me do whatever I want. As I sat there in the temple I realized... sacrifice is not about equality (by now you know I'm a slow learner...). Sacrifice is about putting the other person first. I am guilty of not doing more, when I know I should. I have been too worried about a 50/50 split of responsibilities that I've forgotten what it means to serve the one I love. Sitting there I realized I need to redouble my efforts for my hubby. My sweet man who slays dragons for me.

As I walked out of the temple I thought again about patience. I have always loved how in the temple, we are all so quiet. I thought about how I was never in a hurry. I thought about how it didn't bother me when we had to wait for one more person to join us in the room. How it didn't bother me that I had to wait my turn. If I can have that kind of patience in the Lord's home - maybe I ought to make it so in my own. I suppose that's why they tell us to return often to the temple. So we can be reminded of what our heaven on earth ought to look like, and feel like.

Doors of the Sacramento Temple

There's nothing I love more than the spirit of the temple. To think an imperfect soul such as I, am allowed entrance to feel such joyful peace. It just proves once again, in so many ways, that God loves me as I am. I am so grateful to His eternal plan. I am grateful that with the atonement we can and we should always look to improve... grow, change. I am so grateful to have my own little family. I am so grateful to be a wife, companion and helpmeet. I am so pleased to have the chance to learn motherhood from two brilliant little tutors...my amazing daughters.

ps. Sorry for the topic jumping... needed to get all the thoughts out of my head before they fell out and I forgot all that I felt and leaned, remembered... sorry for editing mishaps...meaning I haven't the energy to edit.