I love you summer... can I have my brain back?

Since this is the first week of summer break - I've lost all sense of time, space, hygiene.


When you don't have to be anywhere, at a specific time... time stops holding any meaning. Am I right? Please say yes... just nod, maybe even just a little blink.


Monday I woke to find a tornado mess in my toy room. To be fair, it wasn't just my daughters. So after a royal conniption, on my part, we worked together to get it back in order. Then at 3:50pm I looked at the clock and panicked. We had swim lessons at 4pm.


Before my daughters knew it a madwoman was running around screaming her head off, something about "go pee now! get changed now! get your sandals! run into the car! NOW NOW NOW NOW!" also... "I FORGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT We're going to be LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE! RUN RUN RUN!"


Luckily, we flew into the lessons like bats out of hell just 6 minutes late. I am not disclosing any speed records I may, or may not have set.


I simultaneously stripped the girls of their robes, sandals and threw them into the pool, and then I looked up to notice their swim teacher was teaching a different student. There was a little thing in the back of mind wondering... "odd, what day is today?"


The kind swim school owner came over and asked me, what day our lessons were... all I could get out of my mouth was, "um, 4pm I think... I could swear... I think?" He checked the computer schedule and told me it was Tuesdays at 4pm...NOT Mondays at 4pm.


Forehead smack.


Thankfully, we had a make up lesson to schedule, and they had a teacher that had students that didn't show up. So we got lucky. The girls had their lesson. *Breathe*


I made a mental note that Tuesday at 4pm were our lessons.


Tuesday morning we woke luxuriously at 9am. I told the girls we had swimming at 4pm. Aha! I remembered. I made scrambled eggs for the girls around 10am. We opened up a brand new set of paints, brushes and paper. We walked to the park at 3:15pm. I texted some friends, and Ruby and her kids joined us around 4:20pm. I started to relay our crazy Monday experience about swim around 5pm. 


Mid-story my heart dropped.


I checked my iPhone and saw it was 5pm. HOLY *&%^%$#%^&&^**^%*&&**& < <----- that is not me censoring... that is what actually happened in my empty, summer brain.


I was relaying a story about forgetting what day swim was... as I was missing swim, irony, no? Also... tragically hilarious.


So... I've baked a cake for the swim school. It's what I do when I have screwed up someone else's schedule with this forgetful brain of mine.


At this point I can see my sister, who has grown accustomed to my forgetfulness... shaking her head.


I've lost my marbles and haven't the slightest idea where to find them.


Is it okay that I blame summer? Thanks, that means a lot.

Bullying

The past 3-4 weeks I've been a bit anxious, stressed, pissed off, and worrying over my darling 6YO, Avant Garde Gal.

She'd been coming home talking about how a group of 5 girls would constantly be mean.

I was picked on all growing up. You don't get to be the only one of three Asian kids in an all-white elementary school without any bullying. It is just impossible. I was lucky to have a few good friends, a big-kid protector, and a brother in school with me who I would protect. I spent a lot of time in the elementary bathroom stall, praying for relief, for safety.

I was a very sensitive, kind, gentle little girl. I don't know if it was that, or my many oddities of being a first generation Asian in Utah. I had no guidance on fitting in, and kids are cruel when you don't fit in. Granted, adults are cruel too, but those of us that have been through those fires of youth, don't give a damn, and eschew blending in with the monochrome society, for a more colorful, exceptional life.

In kindergarten a girl in my daughter's class gave me a note. The note said that my daughter was being mean to her. I took it very seriously. I went home and sat my daughter down and talked to her. We had an amazing heart-to-heart. If my child, were ever to be an instigator, you had better believe I'd be all over it.

I volunteered in the classroom, so I knew a lot about this girl's behavior, character. So when my daughter explained what was going one, I believed her. Turns out the girl was constantly demanding that my daughter not play with certain girls, since my daughter refused to be mean to the other girls, the mean girl got upset enough to write me a note accusing my daughter of being mean. Kindergarten! I couldn't believe it.

I know my daughter. I know how sensitive she is. She is the daughter that starts weeping when I tell her about Christ and His crucifixion, or when Nephi's brothers bound him on the ship to the promised land. Last night we watched Tarzan and the both of us were crying over Tarzan discovering his real parents and his gorilla mom letting him choose. She's the big sister, who when her little sister gets in trouble for hurting her, begs us to be lenient. She's the daughter that asks for forgiveness from her little sister, when she's hurt her feelings, and asks how she can make it better.

Last night I overheard this:

AGG: *in tears* DD I'm so sorry for grabbing the toothpaste away meanly. Will you forgive me?
DD: Um. Okay.
AGG: *sniffling* What can I do to make it better?
DD: Weeeeell, I know. You can make me a tea party in the toy room, and surprise me!
AGG: Okay! I will do it and keep the door closed so you can't see.

So what kind of bullying is my daughter experiencing?

One time she told one of the girls that she liked her giraffe drawing. She said, "I really like your giraffe, you're a great artist." The girl immediately got angry with my daughter and said, "No you don't. You said you don't like it." And then she spread it to the rest of the table mates and they all got angry with my daughter. Naturally, this made my sensitive child cry as she tried to explain that she liked the picture, and was trying to compliment the mean girl.

Often the girls use the quiet sign - to silence my daughter from ever opening her mouth. Their quiet sign is a peace sign - and the mean girls would often shove their signs into my daughter's face.

There's this one girl who is part of this group, who sits at another table. She is an angry child. Every time I'm in the classroom she has her brows knit like she's about to blow her top and she is always bossing kids around and tattling over any infraction she can. She's the one that likes to yell at my daughter all the time.

Another time my daughter was talking and said, "geez". One girl immediately started spreading that my daughter said, "Jesus". My daughter was in tears explaining that she didn't use the Lord's name in vain, she said "geez" which is not a bad word. Given how much my daughter loves God - I can't even imagine how hurt her little heart felt to feel accused like that.

Hearing these stories over the course of weeks - made my heart ache, and feel murderous with rage. I have an open relationship with the teachers. We talk regularly, so as soon as I saw the pattern, I started emailing the teachers to ask what was going on, and alert them to the activities. Then I met with one of the teachers and she then spoke to the kids with my daughter, about being kind, etc. The teacher was of the opinion that the girls didn't realize what they were doing.

Meanwhile my husband and I were trying to help our daughter cope. We suggested ignoring them. Which is kind of hard to do when they have numbers. I suggested clever, witty, put-downs or comebacks. Husband said that unfortunately, when you have numbers against you, there's very little chance of success. In frustration, I told my daughter to give back as good as she got. She stopped me by saying, "but I don't want them to feel bad."

Just hearing how charitable my daughter is to these girls - made me want to go kick some a-- no matter how young they are.

You know what? We've had each of these girls over for a play date at our house. In the case of angry girl - she is our back-door neighbor. When school first started my daughter was so excited and sent her these sweet notes through the fence.

So far, my daughter said some of the girls are being nicer. The angry girl is still - angry. The table groups are switched out as well.

I know that often kids like these mean girls have issues at home. Some are the youngest in their families. One has an incredibly negative mother. I don't know if they are not getting enough attention at home. I know half have parents that both work outside the home - I don't know what it is. Do mean girls just know who the sensitive, kind kids are and hone in on them?

We are still vigilant as we continue to monitor the situation day-by-day. I am grateful that my daughter comes to us and tells us what is going on. I am grateful that while I rage inside, I've been able to (kind of) calmly handle this from the outside.

I know my daughter is not your typical kid. She draws and writes stories from the moment she wakes up in the morning until evening. She loves to dance, act, sing. She is constantly, curious about words, definitions, behavior, and the reasoning behind human character, choices. She's a left-handed creative gal, who has also taught herself to write with her right-hand, because she wanted to. She has an incredible capacity to love. She is hard on herself when she doesn't think it's perfect. She amazes me every day - and I will fight for her to my dying breath.