Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Choose Your Own Adventure

From this site.

...and make it yours.

Much has been made about Amy Chua, her Battle hymn of the Tiger Mother, and the mountains of thoughts, articles, blogs, interviews following her "controversial" excerpt in the WSJ.

So really, what is there left to say?

Does it even matter?

Something that keeps nagging me, as I read all the opinions and comments is how human beings are so self-involved. (...and I blog, so I know how I should smile wryly right now)

What does it matter what someone else does? What are you doing?

Ultimately, it doesn't matter how some other mother or father are parenting their children (barring anything truly heinous), what matters is how you parent.

It seems there is so much time expended with people comparing this and comparing that. I truly believe that deep down inside, we know. We know if what we're doing is right, wrong, giving it our all, or just doing the minimum. We often talk about how we just don't have time. It can be true. But usually, we don't have time for those things we don't prioritize. And I hope, that when it comes to parenting, given that parenting involves children, that the children are our priority. If that's the case, I think with love mixed deeply into that formula, we'll create our own family adventure.

Why does it matter what someone else does? Why do you need to be measured by the someone else's metric? Why can't we choose our own metrics?

This topic has also made me think about how so often women (as I don't know many men who blog who do this) read a blog that they decide makes them feel x,y,z and then get upset with the blogger. They then begin to slap labels on that blogger because of how they feel when they read their blog, see the pictures, etc.

Frankly, don't get it. Why does it matter what someone else is doing? Why does it matter how someone else lives their life? You have the power to live your own. You have the power to determine your reactions, choices, attitudes. Why are so many people so quick to compare, to put an arbitrary value on how people live their lives?

I don't believe in wasting my time on jealousy. I don't. There are so many other emotions I'd rather spend my time on; being grumpy, feeling silly, being happy, getting nervous, etc... I am booked from morn' until eve'n, and sometime I never make it to staring into the abyss. I simply don't have time for envy.

If we truly, to the core of our souls know who we are, and how powerful we are, we don't waste our time on debilitating comparisons. I am grateful for the women that I learned from, who didn't know who they were. They taught me how imperative it is to truly know who I am, so that I can be independent of positions that easily shift and change with time.

It's liberating. I don't waste my time on people that I simply don't need in my life. I don't waste my time feeling useless emotions that only prevent growth. I define who I am, I have power to make my life what I want it to be. I get to choose. No picture on a screen, no words, nothing has the power to define me, my choices and my family. Nothing.

I don't believe in excuses. There's nothing more infuriating than hearing, "well, that's how I was raised."

I am convinced that no matter how we were raised, we all have a choice to either stay that path, or change it. Perhaps that's naive. But I live it and I know it. Each day I choose my own adventure.


La Yen said...

Amen. Also, the thing that I believe is great about blogging as opposed to "real" interactions is when a person's blog irritates/makes uncomfortable/hurts my feelings I just STOP READING. Rather freeing, I think.

dawn sheridan said...

Amen Sister. Thank you for the wonderfully honest to the point insight. You are truly amazing.

Queen Scarlett said...

La Yen - Agreed.
Dawn - Thank you - but you are being too kind. ;-)