Monday, January 5, 2009

Passing Gas



Last night... as I writhed and contemplated how I would kneel at the porcelain thrown, I was somewhat, pleasantly, surprised. I kept myself hydrated with Ginger Ale. I munched on saltines whenever the saliva folks were working overtime in my mouth and I figured I should have something to throw up - so I ate chicken noodle soup. I even snacked on some blueberries for color when the dastardly dead would finally ...ultimately happen.

I watched my face color fade to a dreary, 70s yellow with track lighting. I had to lay down to avoid the light-headed drunken walk. Despite all this I did not anticipate on a few things. The ache in my back as if a disc wanted freedom, the extra gas (urp!) I would expel through my mouth and... well the flatulence. I have a friend who says she doesn't fart. She just has flatulence. Either way... it is ... what it is.

So last night as I finally made peace with the fact that it was my turn to surrender to the flu... it turns out I was saved by loud tummy (intestine?) noise...and powerful, chi like ... well farts. The noise kept me up...and it was a tossy-turny kind of a night. BUT... I did not throw up. Eventually the chills left and I felt my body temperture go back to normal.

This might be too much information - but I like to remember it as my own little miracle. Seriously - I believe in miracles...even in the form of... gas. The burps and farts, as lady-like as they are... saved me... tender mercies baby... tender mercies.

7 comments:

Holli said...

ANYTHING is better than throwing up.

glittersmama said...

Ditto to all of the above.

b. said...

That noise? That rumbly in your tumbly? It's called Borborygmus (or borborygmi).
True.
Medical Terminology lesson for ya.

Sister Pottymouth said...

At least you didn't have rectal spasms....

I hope you feel better soon.

Queen Scarlett said...

Holli and glittersmama - that's what my poor hubby said

b. - I find that fascinating - thanks for the lesson.

Sister Pottymouth - I love when I have friends I can be completely open with. Yes, thank goodness no rectal spasms

Sister Pottymouth said...

You may change your mind after this: I used to get rectal spasms in high school every time I had my period. I could feel myself go pale in the face from the pain. They were horrid. And the noise that would come with them...ack! So embarrassing in the middle of a quiet classroom!

Amy said...

hahahahahaha awesome