Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I'm totally, boring

...and I'm ok with that.

I've never been addicted to anything. Not even Diet Coke - never had a sip - ever. Once I had a sip of Coke and it totally grossed me out. I've never used caffeine to keep me going. I use sleep....and sometimes grumpiness. I do eat chocolate for pleasure...and kissing. Does that count?

I've never smoked...anything. Second hand smoke makes me gag, cough and want to strangle the smoker. I'm that person hacking really loud and shouting - who is the rude idiot contaminating my air?!

I've never been to the principal's office. I've never snuck out of my house. I did have a first date I didn't tell my parents about - but I didn't sneak out. I was "hanging out" with my friend.

Everything I learned about sex I learned from my husband. There I said it. I was the kid in biology that didn't even look at the pictures because I thought that was a sin. I didn't know how many holes were down there.

After we were married... my husband called me a nympho... he also kept telling me moderation. I was like... this is the coolest toy ever. I figured - we waited this long... the party is on. Good thing too... once you have kids... you are tired...well - I am.

I've never broken a bone. I've sprained both ankles a few times each from dancing... mostly when I had to do leaps...and I landed wrong. They give out every now and then.

I'm still afraid of the dark and sleep with my winnie the pooh I received when I was one.

I've never been in an accident when I was at the wheel.

I've gotten one traffic ticket...for driving 75mph... when every one else was driving 80. I was pregnant and the officer was a total prick.

I'm a massive food snob.

Everyone around here shops at the cheap grocery store that is 15 min away ...and a place you don't want to shop at in the evening. I refuse to go there because it's that far away - not worth my time or gas. I'd rather shop at the beautiful, organically abundant, fresh market that's five minutes away.

I used to want to be the corporate big wig... attending cocktail parties and looking hot. After experiencing corporate shmoozing and politics... all the lunches, dinners, trade shows... conventions, etc... I have no desire to head back there. I don't regret being a stay-at-home mom. Making sure a stock ticks up one day... is not my life's has never brought me meaning or affirmation. I don't need that insincere adulation that varies from day-to-day.

I think that while many people are gifted in sewing, crafting, playing the piano or singing... I think I am gifted in mothering... but I recognize it changes from day-to-day. What is constant is the purpose of building a solid foundation that will last. Shaping my girls is so fulfilling - more fulfilling than any lame ass job in the world. I am gifted in that I don't resent being at home. I am gifted that I don't have this need to have other people pat me on the back, evaluate me on a form or have them throw superfluous words my way. I don't need it - never have.

I like trying new things. I am not a fan of chain restaurants or fast food. I'll have to endure them now and again...but I like to find gems.

I don't like extreme temps... I like my breezy, sunny days. I love the beach. I despise the desert. I am not a fan of living in cold. I don't mind rare visits to snow.

I won't buy a knock-off ... just to advertise for a brand. If I do buy name brand it won't be where you can see the brand splashed all over the product. The way I look at it - they should pay me to advertise - not the other way around. This makes me different from 99.0% of our population.

I like to share good things with friends and family.

I'm very loyal. Sometimes - too loyal. I'm loyal to the point of gullible. So it's really hard when I have to keep learning that people are fickle and aren't usually worth the trust and respect we dish out. Just because you want to be treated with loyalty, respect and generousity...doesn't mean the people you treat that way give a rat's a about you. It's taken me more than 30 years to learn this... and I've suddenly realized that to not be disappointed I have to stop being so loyal, generous and respectful. You have no idea how hard it is to fight myself.

I'm an achiever - if I want to achieve something I'll work hard until I get it done...and I always get it done. I'm not a passive, sit on my a...and hem and haw. I get it done. It annoys me when people make excuses. I have worked hard because I've never been smart enough, pretty enough or ... talented enough... but I work damn hard. So for people who are naturally gifted and don't do anything with their gifts... talk about pissing me off. If I had an ounce of what they had... I'd be some crazy Czar.

I don't believe in excuses of not enough time. I believe in priorities. If we value something - we'll do it. Everyone is busy. But if it's important enough - we make time.

I like to throw parties. I like to entertain and see people entertained. I also like it when people return the favor.

I like driving a fun car. My first car I purchased was an Infinit I30t... bordeaux burgundy. Right now I'm in an Acura MDX burgundy... makes me feel sporty and sexy in my Mom uniform.

I don't like talking about money. It's the way I was raised. It's totally impolite. It makes me uncomfortable. There are only two reasons why people feel the need to talk about the money they make... to have you feel sorry for them - or to show off or lend credibility to some stupid status game they play. Either way - it embarrasses me. I have this theory - that the more you are consumed by it... the less you have.

I like living a comfortable life. I don't believe in stupid status/class... it annoys me when I see people in my ward playing that game. Like new people who move in who only want to befriend those in 'high callings' to fast track their own ward mobility. Or the old members that only associate with you based on your image, reputation... or people so consumed with making sure their image is of this intellectual gospel doctrine expert, or of a reserved homemaker... that they have to watch every little action they make. It honestly makes me stressed watching them. Like let go already - BE REAL. It's not worth it to play pretend all the time. I don't fit in with people like that.

I'm simple and complicated at the same time. I'm careless about my appearance - I don't see the point of make-up these days. I think I look great without it... natural. Make-up suffocates me. I never want to be one of those people that you don't recognize without make-up...and without it makes you look white-washed. I am careful about what goes inside the body... to me that matters more than the bells and whistles of rings, piercings, paint... That doesn't mean I'm a slob...I'm simple...unless I feel the need to dress up. That's what clothes are sometimes... a fun dress up game.

I still don't have pierced ears. Don't foresee that changing - ever. My boobs are real. My butt... is quite real. I love my eyebrows. I don't have to use a pencil to make them show up... I like hair highlights. See what I mean... simple and complicated....kinda boring don't-cha think?

Truthfully... I like boring... because I get to do the things I like doing without anything holding me back. Free.

Yesterday my hula teacher told me that I had potential. That made my dancing heart soar.

The end...


La Yen said...

I like you just the way you are.

compulsive writer said...

What she said.

cabesh said...

Ahhhh, Bonazza. I've always loved ya for just that. You're real.

Lucky Red Hen said...

Actually, that isn't the definition of 'boring.' Boring is ignoring your kids while watching soaps all day from the couch (never getting up) then ordering pizza for dinner and let them poop themselves out, falling asleep wherever they end up... every DAY.

Amy said...

Can I be the leader of your fan club? Seriously. I'm starting one.

Keep rocking the awesome!

Queen Scarlett said...

Thanks ladies...

and... wasn't fishing for all the lovely comments... it was just because I'd been hearing a lot about how if someone did a lot of crazy stuff in their past...they were so interesting. I'd heard people in the public disdained because they seemed "too good/clean". So... I figured... that makes me dull as a ... you know. ;-)

Anonymous said...

I knew I liked you the first time I met you. :-D and no REAL is not boring, you are original, opinionated, exciting and awesome. I once threatened someone with life and limb if they changed that about you (didn't know if you knew that btw). Hee.