Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Peace in Holy Places

Sacramento, California Temple (where K my daughter has a little pebble with her name on it in the foundation)

This morning was my turn to head to the Temple. It's been a while since I've been. I don't know why I hadn't thought of the idea sooner. One Sunday during Relief Society I turned to my friend C, and asked if she wanted to swap babysitting so we could take turns going to the temple during the day. She said yes, and this month was our first go of it.

It ends up being about 3-4 hours of babysitting...and the temple is close to us. When I had her kids the week before it was actually really peaceful and fun...and entertaining... you remember this post.

There's something about the temple that just feels like home to me. I'm a pretty high-energy gal...except when I am sleep-deprived... so to walk into the temple, or for that matter, just driving into the parking lot calms me. I feel like a nicer, more relaxed version of myself... a better version.

Provo, Utah Temple

I was able to work in the Provo Temple as a temple worker my last year at BYU. I've never felt odd going to the temple, I've always felt at peace. I wish I had the time to work consistently in the temple, but I'm grateful that anytime I do go, it reminds me of the time I spent working with the sweetest Grandmas and Grandpas at the Provo Temple. The Provo one might look like an electric carrot, or a birthday cake... but that temple will always be special to me... because I walked it's halls early in the morning.

I sometimes wish we could, just leave the world all behind and walk the temple halls, or sit pondering with our own little families. I want to live at the temple.

Oakland, California Temple - where we were married

Today I felt incredibly strengthened, humbled and grateful. There's something about being allowed in the Lord's house that makes me weep. I was thinking on patience today. I need to practice more patience when it comes to my overly intelligent four-year old. As I sat thinking about this, I realized that my Heavenly Father has infinite patience with me. If he can have that amount of patience for me... I can do better with my own stewardship. They are His children, after all... I will be held accountable if I am not more patient with these precious souls. He will help me.

I was also thinking about the way Hollywood (the world/great and spacious building) looks at us. Those of us that stand on the Lord's side and make a very public stand for family. At the temple I was reminded that fame, the world's wealth, and silver tongues will all be used against the eternal plan. Reflecting on this, I once again was reminded that it matters not if the world, it's courts, etc agree with us. What matters is that the Lord knows where we stand. That when it comes down to it, we let those around us know exactly where we stand when it comes to what is worth protecting. For that, I am grateful that I made a definite mark in the sand and took, and will continue to take a stand. The world is a fickle place. I'm so grateful that when we follow the Lord there is order, there is peace, amidst the trials and sacrifices.

Laie, Hawaii Temple - where my hubby R, proposed

At the temple I was reminded that children are given to us to bring us joy. So much of the day-to-day can be mundane and seem like a tiny grain of sand ... but it is that diligent work to improve and to be better parents, to focus on our children that will endure. I know my husband and I often talk about the challenges of parenting two daughters who are both smarter than both of us, combined. We are constantly worried how our actions affect them. We want to raise them to be strong, faithful, happy and secure women. We often wish that there was a step-by-step book to tell us what to do in every situation.

What we have settled on... until someone publishes that desperately needed book ... is to remember the big picture. Will silly annoyances really affect their eternal welfare... or do we just need to chill out? (yes, we often need to chill out)

I also sat in the temple thinking about Trust. I realized that I am starting to understand the extent of the trust I place in my Heavenly Father. That I trust in his love, patience and blessings. I realize that as imperfect beings, we often can corrupt the trust placed in us, by our own children. I hope I remember to work hard each day to earn my girls' trust. I realized that each day, it is my job to earn their respect, earn their love and demonstrate to them that they matter more to me than praise from people outside my home. For some reason, putting the burden of responsibility back on myself... makes things clearer for me.

Nauvoo, Illinois Temple - a temple that is simply gorgeous...and something to drive to in the middle of the night when you and your hubby can't sleep in St. Louis.

I also thought about sacrifice and equality. I often like to go on a rampage when I see women mistreated. I am so overly concerned about gender equality sometimes that I try to make things equal between me and my hunny. When... there is no need to. He's happy to see me do whatever I want. As I sat there in the temple I realized... sacrifice is not about equality (by now you know I'm a slow learner...). Sacrifice is about putting the other person first. I am guilty of not doing more, when I know I should. I have been too worried about a 50/50 split of responsibilities that I've forgotten what it means to serve the one I love. Sitting there I realized I need to redouble my efforts for my hubby. My sweet man who slays dragons for me.

As I walked out of the temple I thought again about patience. I have always loved how in the temple, we are all so quiet. I thought about how I was never in a hurry. I thought about how it didn't bother me when we had to wait for one more person to join us in the room. How it didn't bother me that I had to wait my turn. If I can have that kind of patience in the Lord's home - maybe I ought to make it so in my own. I suppose that's why they tell us to return often to the temple. So we can be reminded of what our heaven on earth ought to look like, and feel like.

Doors of the Sacramento Temple

There's nothing I love more than the spirit of the temple. To think an imperfect soul such as I, am allowed entrance to feel such joyful peace. It just proves once again, in so many ways, that God loves me as I am. I am so grateful to His eternal plan. I am grateful that with the atonement we can and we should always look to improve... grow, change. I am so grateful to have my own little family. I am so grateful to be a wife, companion and helpmeet. I am so pleased to have the chance to learn motherhood from two brilliant little tutors...my amazing daughters.

ps. Sorry for the topic jumping... needed to get all the thoughts out of my head before they fell out and I forgot all that I felt and leaned, remembered... sorry for editing mishaps...meaning I haven't the energy to edit.


La Yen said...

I really like that about patience--I needed to remember that today.

Queen Scarlett said...

Patience was never something I was good at... I need all the help I can get... and then some.

Given that you are still waiting another 5 weeks for your hubby to come home... I think you have infinite patience.