My daughter's first grade class is putting together time capsules. The capsules are small boxes with five photos, and they specified, "short handwritten" letters from mom, dad...and I snuck one in from little sister. The idea is that they keep them closed and then open them on their graduation day from high school.
Just the mere mention of high school leaves me in tears. Because... it's high school. It's... it's... it's my baby. My sensitive, creative, expressive, happy, thoughtful, forgiving, unconditional loving baby.
I wrote the note. It is only on a page of stationary. I wrote really small, and filled up all the white space on both sides. So technically, it is short, as it's only one page. I could've written a book, just for her. I started blogging because of her. She is my star.
Yes, of course I shed tears over this letter. I wrote about the girl she is now. How much I adore her, how grateful I am for her, how she is the teacher in so many ways - she is my example. I wrote about my future hopes for her. How I hope we're still buddies. I hope that we still have fun together. I hope, that she is happy, that she knows I love her just as she is.
I didn't write how excited I am to meet the woman she'll become, because I love the girl she is now. I didn't write how scared I am of the unknown future, because I want her to be brave as she faces each new experience. I didn't write any tangible expectations of her when she turns eighteen, because I want her to be free to choose her life.
I did ask her to forgive the mistakes I will make, have made and will likely always make along the way as I try to be the mother she needs.
Now, as the letters are written, the photos are put together I sit and wonder. I wonder what changes life will bring each of us in eleven years. I wonder how our family will change. I wonder what my daughter will remember. I wonder if I will be able to be the mother she deserves.
My heart is overflowing with tender emotion for my oldest as she continues her life journey. I hope the journey brings her joy. I hope she finds comfort in the storms. I hope she knows that no matter what choices she makes, no matter what successes and failures come her way, I love her. She has made me a better woman. She has made me a woman of purpose. She has made life fun and filled with happiness. I will be forever grateful I was chosen to be her mom.
I guess for now, I'll just enjoy the ride.
Please, pass the tissues.
ps. My dear - in case you read this... Guess what?
I love you.