Monday, October 20, 2008

Weary

I'm feeling weary.

Another couple facebook "friends" have decided they need to attack my opinions and beliefs. It's frustrating. I suppose facebook creates this weird world... I need to stop thinking that just because I hold their feelings in high esteem - that doesn't mean they feel the same way. I've always forgotten that not everyone thinks the way I do - it always gets me ... down in the dumps disappinted.

I don't understand. Why is it that I am not allowed to have my own opinion? Why is it only "liberals" are allowed to? Why is it that the only ones that choose to respond to articles I post to my own wall on facebook - are folks who know they can't change my mind? So what is the point? I don't go to their spaces to rant and rave my opinions on their walls. I understand they don't feel the same - so I don't. I don't because it's respectful. I accept them for their beliefs - why can't they accept me for mine?

It's like all the commenting I do on YouTube videos. I comment on YES on Prop 8 ones. The ones I agree with. I don't go actively in search of a fight on the no on prop 8 ones. It's like those folks with signs on their lawns. The YES on Prop 8 camp don't actively go around stealing, defacing and assaulting folks that don't agree. Then why does the no on 8 campaign do that?

It seems the ones that hate free speech the most - are the ones that only allow it - if you agree with them. There is no room for dissent. These are the same people that cheer each other on when they break laws - defacing property, illegally stealing signs. Is this supposed to foster more tolerance and kindness, or revulsion?

I'm weary because I would jump to defend any of my so-called "friends" if they were bombarded with attacks. But it seems ... I appropriately named my blog... I'm alone on this.

It would be so much easier for me to be silent. So easy to not offfend one party or another. But I've never been a fan of wishy-washy, fence-sitting, silently offending no one. I don't want to be someone you can't trust. I want to be someone you know squarely where I stand. Trust me, if I didn't have to... I wouldn't raise my voice - but I realize that the situation is dire, it is serious and we only have this chance to get it right. It's not fun placing a big star on your head. It has nothing to do with bravery... I've always got my stomach in knots - because who likes to be singled out and attacked? Who likes to be the "freak" that speaks up?

I'm tired of folks saying that I should support same-sex marriage because it's akin to interacial marriage. This is pattently false - from a gospel point of view. From a gospel point of view homosexuality is immoral. Interacial marriage is not. There I go - being totally un-PC. But I care more about what God thinks than keeping my mouth shut. I think many members of the Church have forgotten this. We have slowly, slid down that slippery slope. We have forgotten who we are.

I'm tired of labels of bigot and homophobe - slapping inflammatory labels on people demonstrates an unwillingness, inability to foster open, honest, heartfelt communication. It shows that people who do this don't care what you have to say - they just don't want you to say it. Frankly, I'm tired of it. It's old. It's something that doesn't take into account that you may not agree with someone - but that doesn't make them evil. We're all people. I may not agree with someone - but that doesn't make them evil. That kind of characterization is childish at best.

I'm tired of people using the argument - "how can Mormon's support Prop 8 - the evangelicals support it and they hate you". So... my actions are dictated by how people think of me? I suppose much of our society and folks... that's how they determine whether they will or won't act on truth. But that doesn't work for me. I believe in a Prophet - I believe in God... marriage wasn't created by goverments... that's not what I believe. The Church is not sending out an edict - God has. The Church is merely protecting, defending what God has already made whole.

This is not just a California issue... it's a national issue. It will hit every state, every home if it doesn't suceed. So... do you want to battle it out now - making sure the fight doesn't come to your door - or do you want to wait until you have to deal with it on your doorstep, in your living room. Trust me... no matter how conservative you think your state is... it's coming.

I'm weary. But I'll keep doing what I'm doing - because we each have to carry torches of light - we can't afford to let it drop thinking someone else will carry it... chances are - you are the last one...and no one will be there to lift it up.

Just one foot in front of another...

8 comments:

~j. said...

I'm sorry that I didn't make a comment to support you. To be honest, I feel kind of dumb because I don't know more about the issue (even though I should).

Also, just so you know, I don't think that anyone could ever view you as a fence-sitter. In fact, when Prop. 8 comes up, here's what I say: "My friend Queen is so into this cause, it's very inspiring. She's spent hours going door-to-door to talk with people about it. It's amazing. I could only hope to have her on my side for any cause for which I need support."

I'm really sorry for not commenting.

dalene said...

I know I've told you personally on more than one occasion how much I admire your courage and I've told others the same thing Jenny has.

I feel badly you feel so alone but I hope you know many people are working to become more informed about this issue and to help share that information with others. We're just doing it on our own fronts and in our own way.

I've had to respond to some of the same arguments you mention in your post (I'm not current on anyone's facebook discussions) as well. In my mind there is no point in my arguing w/ those who've already decided and who are anti-Mormon, anti-having an opinion different than theirs, etc. So I'm talking it up with people who are seeking more information and who want a safe place to talk more about it so they can figure out where they stand. That's the best I can do right now.

I'm sorry you're feeling weary and alone and abandoned by your friends, but please keep fighting the good fight.

Queen Scarlett said...

~J and Dalene - this is so not directed at you... or any individual that hasn't said anything for my right to speech... it's a general ... frustration ... so many of the people I know on facebook LDS...and all of them are silent. Why?

I get the why try to debate people if they have an opinion - that's my point. I'm only asking for morale support. That's all. I'm not asking to cast pearls before swine. That's why I often don't respond to so called "friends" that know how I feel - but instead of being kind and civil in their language - choose to belittle and silence me. That's frustrating.

I'd rather people not point to me... I'm not doing anything special. I'd rather they be able to point to themselves for the good they are actively engaged to. I'm not anything extraordinary... I'm just your average concerned citizen. That's all.

This is focused online... when it comes to the people around me...in my ward... these people have caught the fire of what the Lord and our Prophet talks about... they are actively doing what's right - and that ... that is inspiring.

nestle said...

ack!!! I'll start reading the comments and backing you up!! so sorry for letting you down and not being there and having your back!! (rss feed is bad for that). You are extraordinary I think most conservative people are afraid to speak their mind, afraid to offend others. So many liberals don't encounter a conservative point of view so when they do, they know they are doing something wrong and feel the need to defend themselves and attack the source from which they are being made to feel guilty. You are inspiring and passionate. It's a good thing. I follow the subject and am glad you are carrying the torch on your end. When the battle comes here I will hold you as an example and hold it up here. Keep up the good fight becasue it is a fight. A fight that falls to us to bear. It is a fight for what is right and true. I've got your back in the future. sorry I let you down.

Chanelle said...

I really enjoy reading your blog, as we have something in common, taking a stand for Yes on 8. It was funny how before I read this post I was thinking how you have a great title for your blog and thought it was funny how I read it. I wish more people would be involved or take a stand even for those not in California to defend marriage, as they will be faced with it a lot sooner than if marriage is protected in California.Even though you feel alone, you are not alone! Thanks for taking a stand and for your blogs.

Queen Scarlett said...

Thanks Nestle and Chanelle - I'm not trying to make people feel obligated... it's just... frustrating.

The cyber-chat and the online efforts sometimes seem overwhelming. The opposition is so loud and filled with pure venom. So it's wearing.

Today I decided to finally update my personal family blog to get a break from it all.

Nestle, Jon and La Yen - thanks for commenting on FB too - you have no idea how that buoys me up. Keeps me going.

La Yen said...

Seriously, unless someone posts "I like killing babies with the corpses of veal-fed seals that I have just molested" I can't be bothered to tell people that they are wrong. These accusatory friends of yours have too much time on their hands.

Queen Scarlett said...

La Yen - I agree with you there... seriously... and even then I might just shrug and go..."nut-case".