Epiphanies

Leah, Kim, SHERI DEW, Queen Scarlett, Shannon, Suzie

This past Fri/Sat I had the pleasure of going to Time Out for Women.

My friend Suzie organized a small group... I've found she is one of a handful of women I am lucky to be living around... that the more I spend time with them, the more I love them. I love women who inspire me, who I admire, and who are genuine. I am very, very blessed.

We celebrated my friend, Kim's birthday on Saturday, who is of that select handful of women that I admire.

I have so much to think about...and so much more to write down. But these past few weeks I've been limiting my Internet time so I can get to the business of living...and learning to be more organized with both kids in school, a large amount of volunteering - and finding a balance with my YW calling...and my more important calling as mother and wife.

So for now... a few thoughts that when spoken at the TOFW conference made my soul expand and jump for joy at the truth that resonated inside my heart.

"Obedience is NOT perfection." (Sheri Dew or Wendy Watson Nelson)

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (quoted by Sheri Dew): “Sometimes we act as though we’re going to stay here on this earth, when we aren’t, we can’t and we won’t.”

“When we focus on the world we don’t see the adversary or the Savior. When we FOCUS on the Savior we love and see Him, and we’re able to see the effects of the adversary and safeguard against him.” - Sheri Dew

Kris Belcher - in response to people telling her "Heavenly Father doesn't give us anything we can't handle" when she had a second bout of cancer that removed the sight of her second eye. Belcher said, "Of course we're given things we can't handle, why else would we have a Savior?"

Kim Nelson - "Be kind to yourself... treat yourself as you would your daughter, or someone else's daughter. Because you are a daughter of God."

"Never Even Once." - Wendy Watson Nelson

Never Even Once will I... take a sip of alcohol, smoke, drink caffeine, wear skimpy clothing, compare myself to others, etc....

Never Even Once will I forget... to get on my knees and pray, turn to the Savior to heal me, remember that He loves me as I am, to hug my children, adore my husband, be gentle to myself, etc...

ps. I was frantically scribbling notes through the two days... so the words may not be precise, but the meaning is there

Refreshing

This summer has been great for me and the girls.

I'd hit the gym for two hours, get them out of the gym play center, head into the locker room where our suits, sunscreen and lunch was stored...get changed, lathered up with spf and head on out to the pool for two hours of lunch and swimming.

Towards the end of this blissful summer routine ... we headed into the lockerroom to get ready to go to the pool as usual. The girls and I headed towards the corner where I kept all our stuff... and ran smack dab into...the back side of a larger woman who was proabably 60-75 years old sitting on a the bench with only a bra on. Luckily for us, it was the back of her.

Her derriere was spilling onto the bench. I immediately had these thoughts. Please, don't let the girls say anything. Of course they're going to say something. Holy H---, how am I going to handle this?

AGG: (as loud as can be possible) Mommy! WHY IS HER BUM SO BIG?

QS: (to the lady with bum) I am so sorry!

AGG: MOMMY IT IS SO BIG and FLOPPY! WHY IS IT SO BIG AND FLOPPY? (giggle)

DD: YEAH, IT'S A BIG BUM BUM (giggle)

QS: I am so sorry... I ...

Lady with BUM: No, no no... it's fine. It's actually refreshing.

QS:(mortified, but relieved) Thank you.

... I will remember to use that exact phrase when I'm sitting there one day with my bum spilling over. Refreshing... yes, yes it was.

Blog Homework #8

Books Read Long Ago Which It's Now Time To Reread

1. A Wrinkle in Time
2. Where the Red Fern Grows
3. The Boxcar Children
4. Anne of Green Gables
5. Rebecca

You can't catch me...

...I'm the Gingerbread Man.

Guess which one is Avant Garde Gal's. It was not hard. It's also... AWESOME.

At back-to-school night we (Phantom, my hubby, and I) saw this collage of gingerbread men.

P (whispers while the teachers are talking to us): Look (points).
QS: What?
P: The gingerbread men.
QS: Cute.
P: Guess which one is AGG's.
QS: Oh my gosh - that one?
P: I guarantee you it's that one.

After the presentation we went over and sure enough, right on the leg was our creative daughter's name. She is an original.

We talked to her teacher about it and she laughed. She said a few of the girls had asked if they could put bows on their heads - but the teachers asked them where bowties go. Despite that, AGG still put it on it's head. I love it.

Also...I need to get a picture of this - they have a board with the kids' pictures, a hand print and then a picture the kids drew. Our daughter, has her dressed up as a princess, getting married in the temple. AGG is constantly drawing, imagining, acting... her energy level is stunning.

Blog Homework #7

~ Someone found your blog and emailed you saying they're visiting the city where you grew up. Write an itinerary for a one-day tour of your hometown. Prompt: "When you're there, you can't miss____. There's a great view from____. My favorite place for lunch is_____, and the kids would love____."

Hawaiian Style

September 2008, Maui

Having moved a lot as a kid... I don't really feel like I have a hometown. Perhaps that's why as a parent now, I hope to stay put for a bit so my kids can lay down roots. However, if my hubby ever gets a job overseas...we're outta here.

So... the closest to a hometown for me is either Oahu's North Shore or Kapalua, on Maui. For heaven sakes, my daughters' names are Hawaiian... I belong there - or so I tell my husband.

North Shore, Oahu
We like to stay in the condos in Kuilima. Traveling with kids, even on our own we prefer to have a kitchen, washer/dryer and the simple amenities of home, and space. Hotel rooms just feel cramped and not quite as homey. We always find great rates on www.vrbo.com

One of our favorite eats is Macky's Shrimp Truck. They used to hang out near Turtle Bay resort... but they've since moved locations. You can't leave Oahu without trying one of Macky's perfect shrimp lunches. The shrimp, the kahuku corn...and the fresh papayas, pineapples, mangos and lychee they sell. Oh my gosh I need to go "home" right now! We always end up going multiple times...They are wicked, good. They always seem to win the annual Shrimp Truck cooking contests. My mouth is salivating just thinking about it.

The other favorite, must stop, each time we're hitting the North Shore is Haleiwa Joe's. I am a sucker for all things seafood, and pulled pork. You can find such perfect pulled pork and fresh fish here. You'll also need to take a stroll through Haleiwa - it's a cute, surfer town - you can rent jet skis and other water equipment. You'll find you're all of a sudden in the midst of gorgeous sea turtles.

Kuilima is situated right near the Turtle Bay resort. So you have access to their great restaurants and the easy access beach. In fact we've really enjoyed Lei Lei's Bar and Grill off the golf course. It serves great food in a casual atmosphere, and the kids like it too. We've also eaten at their grill right off the beach - you can't beat food in Hawaii. Everything just tastes better, sharper, fresher... it could be the healing powers of the ocean air.

If you're in the North Shore you have to go to the Polynesian Cultural Center. We've been each time we've been to Oahu... because you simply can't find a better show anywhere in the islands. The PCC is also a great place to take kids. They've created villages for each of the islands, showcasing culture, crafts, customs, dance, unique to each group. I love doing any souvenir shopping there, because everything you spend at the PCC goes back to the students who work there, towards education.

Right next door to the PCC is the Laie Hawaii Temple where my husband proposed to me. We took our girls with us a couple years ago to show them the exact spot where my hunny sang me a song...and got on one knee, to my utter shock and joy.

Hanauma Bay is a fun manmade area to snorkel. The fish swarm right at the beach access around your ankles. There's also toilet bowl there as well. And you know that one of my all-time favorite shows LOST is filmed there. If you've seen 50 First Dates you'll find that Sea Life Park was the little place Adam Sandler's character worked. It's also where you can have a dolphin experience. We did do that, and it was fantastic. We love dolphins.

We've also found that Roy's on Oahu is better than the other locations on the mainland and elsewhere in the islands.

Our travels center around beach time and food. When we think vacation, we think relaxing ...and indulging. We've been enough times that we just don't buy souvenirs anymore.

October 2007, Oahu

Kapalua, Maui
We discovered Kapalua when we honeymooned here. We love this area because it's a bit more secluded than the rest of the island, but close enough to Lahaina. We like to stay in the Pineapple Hills area. You can find great deals again, on www.vrbo.com

The Plantation Course in Kapalua is of the PGA tour. Also on site are Sansei - a MUST for great seafood, Japanese food. Their butterfish in sweet miso sauce... well, I ended up ordering more than one - is melt in your mouth goodness. Everything there is perfection.

Just a few doors down from Sansei is the Honolua Store on the property. It's a general store that also sells the famous mixed plate. If you're looking to try, and you must, the mixed plate - this is the place to do it. Their menu changes daily, and the portions are large, and tasty. The mixed plate comes from the multi-ethnic diversity of Hawaii's people.

If you're looking for something upscale and gussied up, the Lahaina Grill is perfect. You don't expect a place of this caliber to cater to children - but they do. This is why I love the islands. You can treat yourself to a place like this - and they are totally chillin' with the children. Of course the food - mouth-watering.

I should mention that we loved taking our girls to the Maui Ocean Center. It's a small aquarium compared to the Monterey Bay Aquarium - but it is so worth it to take a gander through the center. I can't remember the name of the grill there - but there's a great grill-like restaurant right near the Ocean Center - eat there. The view is lovely, and the mahi mahi is so fresh. There's also a cute ice cream shop too - it has some delicious flavors, and treats to take home.

May 2006, Oahu
...had to go before I gave birth in Sept. we're a family of four...one of us is just surrounded by amniotic fluid.

As for when we travel - we like to hit the islands in September or October. The weather is perfect - it's also nice because it's not the onslaught of summer vacationers... and you start off your own winter energized. It's the off-season, which gets you the great deals - and usually airfare is a bit cheaper. We like flying Hawaiian for their aloha spirit, the miles and the deals.

... I'm hoping one day - I'll be calling Hawaii my hometown...and all those folks who think I'm native... will be right.

Aloha!

Blog Homework #6

~Write a paragraph about a job you would do for free. Prompt: "If money were no object, I'd like to be a ______, and work in_______."

For Hire

There are very few things I want to do on my own. I don't mind being on my own. But I love sharing experiences with my husband and my daughters. I can't help it. It's almost like Lehi's dream. Once he tasted the fruit of the tree he couldn't wait to share it with the ones he loved most.

So if money were no object...I would love to travel the world with my family on an educational journey of history, art, culture, food... and write about it.

That's it.

Now, who wants to pay me for it?

Blog Homework #5

it's #5 because #4 was private.

~Search through the drawer in your heart. Are there memories that shaped your self image? Write about a time when your feelings were hurt. Why do you think you still remember the incident? How does that help you understand yourself better?

Take a look inside... careful, it's spooky, but it's real

I thought this assignment would be easy. I mean I've written a lot about the trials, lessons, hurts I've experienced from schoolmates, and such... I kept thinking, that if I wrote about those same things, that I'd be cheating. I'd be plagiarizing myself.

Then it hit me.

I knew what I should write.

But how? It still hurts.

I'd been preparing a YW lesson and was combing through my old journals.

I've often wondered why I've stayed strong to my faith, even at a young age, even when things at home were terrifying.

When I started reading through my own words I realized that I survived because at a young age I discovered that though unconditional love and acceptance weren't part of my family life, that God always loved me... even though.

God loved me even though I accidentally broke a ceiling light playing with my brothers. God loved me even though my brothers, thinking it was funny, purposely broke one. God loved me even though I was punished for my mistake, and then again because I was somehow responsible for the actions of my younger siblings. I was in elementary school. I knew God felt I was more important than a ceiling light.

Being betrayed at a young age made me realize that there wasn't anyone I could depend on. If the people closest to you can destroy your self-image and hurt you emotionally and physically, then who can you depend on? This affected my dating life. Even though I was dating someone, I still didn't trust I was good enough. I couldn't figure out why they would want to date me. I though it was a joke. My mind was sick. Thank heavens I met my husband. He made me feel accepted, just as I was, even though. Also, I think I was blessed with faith to stick through all that craziness.

I had the kind of faith that when people who are supposed to love unconditionally, and provide that safe haven, tell you how selfish, ungrateful, unworthy, evil... and then physically take out their anger on you... the faith that God loved me even though I didn't feel lovable right then.

It is because of that faith that I am where I am today. It would have been easier to become self-destructive and lead a life much more unhealthy than I live today, but I didn't. I didn't because of that faith. Faith stronger than familial relationships. Faith more hopeful than depressing situations. I've realized that with Faith I am stronger.

I have faith that God will help me through this. That He will help me heal. It's taken me 31 years to face the realities of my youth. So the scars are still raw. It's hard admitting an imperfect childhood, when all you ever wanted was a perfect Norman Rockwell like one, and when you're surrounded by what you think are perfect, lovable, giant Mormon family reunions.

Because of my childhood I am adamant not to do those things that I knew hurt me. I still remember how it all felt and I am grateful that I don't have a desire to do those things that made me despair at times.

I know I am not perfect. I'm pretty messed up. But I'm willing to reveal my weaknesses to allow the Lord to strengthen me. I have faith that if I turn my issues over to Him, he will make me something glorious. Isn't that why we're here?

Mommy, WOW! I'm a big kid now.

My little Dauntless Daughter has been clamoring for a year now to go to school. She is attending the same preschool her sister did. Last year when we had to drop her big sis at school, it was like pulling teeth to get DD back in the car to go home. She would throw a loud, angry, crying fit, and try to make it impossible for me to buckle that 5-part harness for her car seat. Then, the enjoyable 7-10 min ride home, with her screaming bloody murder the entire way.

Yeah, I think she was a little ticked I didn't leave her at school with her sister.

So this year, before school we let her pick out a lunchbox and a back pack. Both of which are Kai-Lan. She picked out her first day of school outfit and could not wait.

In fact, there's about a 40 min lag-time between when we drop off her big sis at Kindergarten and her start of preschool. During that time she kept forcefully stating, "I want to go to preschool RIGHT now!"

When we got there her excitement seemed to come down a few notches. Phantom left work to see her off on her first day. When her Daddy showed up he noticed her mood.

P: DD are you excited or nervous?
DD: Um, I'm a little bit nervous.

When she realized it was actually happening, I think the reality of being away from us hit her. She did cling a bit... she was nervously adorable.

I'll admit... I was sad to let her go.



At the end of the day with Avant Garde Gal in tow, we went to pick up DD. We were there a little early, just the tail end of their snack time. DD saw us peeking through the window in the door and immediately her face broke into a HUGE grin. She ran over to open the door for us. It was magical to see her own her space and excited to show us how proud she was.

Radiating Divine Nature

You are divine.

You are a daughter of your Heavenly Father, who loves you.

He knows what you can become through Faith in Him.

Accept who you are.

You are unique. You are beautiful in God's eyes. You are His creation.

How do we forget all that?
How do we rationalize that away?
How do we justify our disbelief?
How do we lose our faith in Him?
How do we lose who we really are?

"You can’t live your life worrying that the world is staring at you. When you let people’s opinions make you self-conscious you give away your power. … The key to feeling [confident] is to always listen to your inner self—[the real you.]” And in the kingdom of God, the real you is “more precious than rubies.”

"Every young woman is a child of destiny and every adult woman a powerful force for good. I mention adult women because, sisters, you are our greatest examples and resource for these young women. And if you are obsessing over being a size 2, you won’t be very surprised when your daughter or the Mia Maid in your class does the same and makes herself physically ill trying to accomplish it. We should all be as fit as we can be—that’s good Word of Wisdom doctrine. That means eating right and exercising and helping our bodies function at their optimum strength. We could probably all do better in that regard. But I speak here of optimum health; there is no universal optimum size."

"Frankly, the world has been brutal with you in this regard. You are bombarded in movies, television, fashion magazines, and advertisements with the message that looks are everything! The pitch is, “If your looks are good enough, your life will be glamorous and you will be happy and popular.” That kind of pressure is immense in the teenage years, to say nothing of later womanhood. In too many cases too much is being done to the human body to meet just such a fictional (to say nothing of superficial) standard. As one Hollywood actress is reported to have said recently: “We’ve become obsessed with beauty and the fountain of youth. … I’m really saddened by the way women mutilate [themselves] in search of that. I see women [including young women] … pulling this up and tucking that back. It’s like a slippery slope. [You can’t get off of it.] … It’s really insane … what society is doing to women.”

"In terms of preoccupation with self and a fixation on the physical, this is more than social insanity; it is spiritually destructive, and it accounts for much of the unhappiness women, including young women, face in the modern world. And if adults are preoccupied with appearance—tucking and nipping and implanting and remodeling everything that can be remodeled—those pressures and anxieties will certainly seep through to children. At some point the problem becomes what the Book of Mormon called “vain imaginations.” And in secular society both vanity and imagination run wild. One would truly need a great and spacious makeup kit to compete with beauty as portrayed in media all around us. Yet at the end of the day there would still be those “in the attitude of mocking and pointing their fingers” as Lehi saw, because however much one tries in the world of glamour and fashion, it will never be glamorous enough." (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, Ensign Nov 2005)

The most beautiful women I know are natural. They are unique. They are imperfect. Sometimes when women are so obsessed with what's on the outside they forget to work on the inside... and that is not beautiful. No amount of covering will make it so.

Ultimately this outward desire for beauty isn't about one person. We each affect others for good or ill. Young ladies watch us. They learn what is "normal" from us. They learn whether or not they can accept who they are...through us. We don't have a choice in the matter - they watch - what sacrifices are we willing to make so that they can have a better story to tell?

One of my favorite children's books is a Cuban folktale - retold by Carmen Agra Deedy. In the story, Martina, the Beautiful Cockroach meets a few different suitors. Each suitor asks Martina the same question, "Martina Josefina Catalina Cucaracha, beautiful muchacha, won't you be wife?" The last suitor... a little mouse named Perez is her soul mate. I love their dialog:

"Hola, hello." His voice was like warm honey. "My name is Perez."

"Hola," she whispered shyly, "I'm Martina--"

"--the beautiful cockroach," he finished for her.

"You think I'm beautiful?"

The little mouse turned pink under his fur. "Well, my eyes are rather weak, but I have excellent EARS. I know you are strong and good, Martina Josefina Catalina Cucaracha." Then he squinted sweetly, "Who cares if you are beautiful?"

"Who cares if you are beautiful?" - if you have what is most important? We should maybe, obsess a little more about what is going on inside us, seek to cure it, improve it, or maintain it...rather than lust after a skewed view of "beauty".

Together we can let that divine nature... radiate through all our sisters.

(the blog homework tonight is private... this post was inspired by the positive nature of it...because when we focus on the negative we undergo frivolous operations.)

Blog Homework #3

Homework: Pick one or the other, or be inspired. ~Read something on your book shelf for sheer pleasure. ~Blog about a book you've read over and over. Prompt: "I can rifle the pages of ____and easily find my favorite part about____."

How do you blog about a book you've read over and over? How?

Growing up I longed to step into the pages where Watch was the lovable companion to Henry, Jessie, Violet and Benny. To join them in their carefree life in an old boxcar. I remember the joy to find that the "cruel" Grandfather they had imagined was really a kind man who would take care of my friends.

I remember wanting to run around on the prairies with Laura. I'd join her as the rotten Nellie always tried to put the Ingalls' down. I always wanted in a confrontation just to rough up Nellie a bit.

I felt Anne's heartache trying to fit in (CARROTS!!!), finding a bosom friend, and falling in love with the dreamy Gilbert. I discovered my own ideals of love young. I couldn't read fast enough of the Bronte sisters, Jane Eyre, Rebecca and my trusted friend Ms. Jane Austen. There was something so beautiful about a time when there were rules of decorum during courting. That there could be a man such as Mr. Darcy. That a book could let me pretend I was Miss. Elizabeth Bennet. For those of you Austen addicts - you must read Austenland. MUST. Shannon Hale is magnificent. I have no idea how she wrote an entire book about me, without my knowledge.

Oh Aslan... I can't remember how many times I've read the Chronicles of Narnia. I feel like I'm the fifth escapee through the wardrobe with Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy. I read something recently that said we should read the Chronicles of Narnia at least three times in our lifetime; in our youth, in our middle ages, and finally, in the twilight of our life. Each phase we go though brings new meaning, new insight and life experience. I have loved sharing these books I adore with my own daughters.

I love beautiful imagery, rich meaning and old-world mystery. Keturah and Lord Death by Martine Leavitt is a recent find that I have been rereading quite often. It's a young adult novel, and while I am no young adult... except in my mind, it is a revelation. The language is rich and inviting, the story is moving and profound. It's one I will continue to reread and can't wait for my girls to discover.

For those of you who know me... you know I'm all about the food. While I've never been interested in visiting the land of my forefathers, it took Nicole Mones' The Last Chinese Chef to get me excited about traveling to China one day. The story is a mature love story. The food described within these pages is nothing short of miraculous. As an American-born Chinese gal (ABC) I had grown up with many customs that I just never realized as customs...and to discover that there's a whole world of people like me, is startling and comforting. I love books like this - that teach me, sustain me and bring me peace.

There is nothing quite like losing yourself in the throes of an author's words, in new worlds, and among familiar friends. Reading good books is something that can change you, bring you joy, and it is a gift to share that love of stories, with those you love most.

I hope my daughters grow up with fond memories of the books we read together, and the ones they will devour late at night, under the covers, by flashlight.

shhhh...I'm reading, and visiting with kindred spirits.

Post script: I also loved A Wrinkle in Time. I read it over and over in my youth - time to reread it again now that I am... sort of grown-up.

Blog Homework #2

~Fantasize about arriving at your dream destination. Prompt: "I looked out the window of the taxi and saw the . . ."

Will Travel For Food

Scarlett sighed as her nose picked up the scent of fresh croissants, and artisan breads. Her mouth began to salivate as she noticed the smartly dressed waiter walk over to her table with her order of a croissant, and smooth, dark, hot chocolate.

She bit into the perfectly light, flaky croissant and made sure to capture every buttery crumb with her tongue. She closed her eyes as she savored the textures, flavors and simple pleasure of truly tasting good food.

She reached for her steaming cup of hot chocolate and took in a deep breath, allowing the rich aroma to wash over her. She blew a little air out of her mouth and then opened her lips to sip the rich, smooth texture of the dark chocolate. Her eyes closed again as she thought of nothing but pure joy.

After her luxurious snack, Scarlett left the outdoor café and sauntered to the town square to decide on a whim, where to visit next.

Instantly her nose led her to a small eatery with fresh basil, rosemary and sage wafting out of it's windows. When she walked in she noticed the fresh cheese, tomatoes and seafood stew the other patrons were devouring. She quickly found a seat and waited for service.

As Scarlett sat there waiting, she said a little prayer of gratitude. She felt so blessed to travel the world in search of the finest, most heart-warming, and flavorful meals. Save the souvenirs and the shopping for the other tourists, all she wanted to do was eat slowly, with great pleasure.

Blog Homework #1

~ Write a page about you. Introduce yourself. Prompt: If you were a character in your own book, what would your name be? Describe your inner self and your outer self. Prompt: "He saw her sneak into the classroom. She was ____, but he could tell she was____. . ."

Assignment #1

Professor Snickety began the class as he always did, peering over his glasses at his students, and smoothing over that lonely swath of hair sitting at the tip of his forehead.

"Today I'd like you to ponder Shakespeare's ability to make even the most despicable characters...."

The door creaked open as Scarlett tried to stealthily sneak into the theater styled lecture room. She tried, but really, it was hard not to notice the echo of the door hinges and the dark, rich colors paired together simply on her average frame.

Her friends in the class knew she physically looked like someone who would hide in the back of the class and never speak up, and perhaps she was in the past, but they smiled knowingly, because Scarlett never let an opinion go unsaid, if she could help it.

They also knew, that though she kept her beauty regimen simple, running around without a dab of makeup except on Sundays, she was quite a complicated, fussy woman when it came to food, learning, and magnifying the talents she didn't think she had.

She was the type of girl who was immediately warm and friendly, but also knew to give space when someone didn't respond with that same warmth. She was very loyal, but destructive when crossed. She would be quite gentle with words in person, but scathing on paper. If there was one thing her friends could count on, it would be her ability to stand true to her values. There was a stubborn streak, a generous heart and an addiction to humor that endeared her to those closest to her.

She loved to make everyone feel comfortable and at ease, but valued having few friends - she'd prefer to have a few loyal, sincere friends than flippantly gather up quantity. In essence she was a mix of contradictions and "if this...then that".

Professor Snickety sighed, as Scarlett was known to always run a bit behind. He then smiled unwillingly, as she dropped off a bag of fresh pears on his desk. Against his will, she had burrowed herself into his amused affection. He waited for her to sit down, cleared his throat, and continued his sentence.

"...could make even the most despicable characters, relate to each reader. Why is it, my dear students, that we often despise those that are most similar to our darkest selves? Turn to your favorite play and create a character analysis of the villain or villains, and discover what traits are similar to yourself."

After a brief comment to her neighbors, creating a giggling fit, the students bowed their heads and began writing.

Why? Because you can.

My trainer Jen is amazing... when she presents us with crazy hard exercises she asks "why? Because you can." It's her positive motivation and placing the responsibility of shaping our bodies on us that I love.

So... because I was browsing my google reader tonight, I saw my friend La Yen's working on this - with the TravelinOma. She saw it on our friend ~J's blog and I noticed my friend CW is working on it too... well.. now I want to do it...because I can. How I will fit it in is a mystery - but it looks like fun!

If you want to join... do it baby. And... if you wouldn't mind referencing me so I get some extra school credit too.

... I am so excited!

In the blink of an eye

Today was a normal day.

I went to cardio and yoga.

Then we had a run-in and disappointment with Stanley Steemer. We told them to go home because they started right off the bat with "I don't guarantee I can get any spots out." Then tried to back-track by saying ... "well, that would be extra". I categorize it all as plain lazy.

My hubby had an errand to run for the upcoming Stake Youth Standards Fireside, and I had some to run for an incoming Beehive we get to kidnap out of Primary on Sunday.

After our errands we went to a local BBQ spot we'd never tried. It was scrump-diddly-upmtious. I love BBQ, pulled pork, BBQ baked beans... mmmm.

On our way home we were blissful.

Then about 0.5 or 0.8 miles from our exit, a small black integra about two, three cars in front of us in the far right lane swerved over to the right towards the drop-off embankment, then sprinted so fast over to the far left lane hitting two SUVs. The second SUV flipped over as the integra then spun out of control back across three lanes into a giant lamp post, which came crashing down in front of us.

I was so shocked I didn't even make a sound.

The integra then dived down the embankment into the field below.

My husband kept our car in control the entire time, while I sat stunned, holding my breath.

Instantly several things happened at once, people streamed out of their cars to help the turned-over SUV driver and the other car. My husband told me to call 911, and quickly went out to see if anyone needed help.

The 911 operator had to tell me to calm down multiple times as I tried to get the information out as fast as possible. I don't know why, but I started feeling emotional... I cry a lot these days.

Soon we saw a young guy (maybe a father) and a little boy, maybe 9-10 yrs climbing out of the embankment from their integra.

Knowing the Firemen were on their way my husband navigated us out of the wreckage. I saw the woman in the toppled, totaled SUV on the side of the road being tended to by passersby... they even had her neck in a brace. There was blood. We said a family prayer and are hoping that everyone is safe.

I can't help but wonder - what happened? Did the guy in the integra over-compensate? Was he not paying attention? (probably) Did a tire blow out?

As we drove away I saw the amount of wreckage strewn across the freeway, and couldn't believe that it only took mere seconds for all of this happen in front of us.

I am so grateful we weren't in this accident. I am so grateful my husband noticed the integra getting squirrely in front of us and backed off the gas. I am so grateful for cell phones that allow us to call for help. I am so grateful for people who see tragedy and jump to aide those in peril.

I am just so grateful my family and I are safe... time to snuggle closer tonight...and remember how in just a blink of an eye how fragile, and fleeting life is.

Foto Footh Friday

... when you can't find easy-come alliteration... make it up.

This is me... feeling strong and tough when I workout with weights... (it's hard to see the guns this far away...but trust me...they're there... really, they are... I swear)

This is my Dauntless Daughter, messing around with me when her big sis is at school...

This is Avant Garde Gal... my dainty one.

This is all of us...in pajamas.

Yeah...we're in pajamas again... but we're also playing instruments...

This is us, nearly 3 years ago... still in pajamas...

Time flies when you're having fun and making faces... I'm just grateful to be there.

ps. we love pajamas

A Mother's Heart

We're on our second week of school.

The first week was tough...

My Avante Garde Gal was adjusting to a new class of people she didn't know. She was learning a new schedule, new environment... you name it ... it was a lot.

When I'd pick her up I'd ask her how her day went.

QS: So what did you do today?

AGG: I watched my friends (what we call classmates at this stage) play tag.

QS: Wow, how fun. Did you play too?

AGG: No, I just watched.

QS: Did you want to play?

AGG: I don't know if they will let me.

QS: Do you play with any friends?

AGG: mmm... I like to be on my own.

That's when my eyes start brimming with tears.

So at back-to-school night last week I asked her teacher how she was doing. The report was that AGG wasn't adjusting as well socially with the other kids. That she was timid, lacked confidence and tended to congregate near the teachers. I was heartbroken. She was a mini-me at that age. I never, in a million years wanted her to be like my scared little self.

As the teacher was talking to us, she assured us that she knew what it was like. Her own daughter had that very day been crying, making her cry... she understood as she saw my eyes well-up with tears.

The next day at drop-off AGG's teacher mentioned to me that she had thought of something to help my daughter. I was so touched. She teaches two classes with another teacher. One in the AM and one in the PM. In total there are approximately 45 kids she's teaching.

She told me she would email me, and I was so grateful I told her to do it when she had time. I went home and realized it might be easier if I sent her an email first so she didn't have to search for mine.

On Monday when I dropped my daughter off, I noticed her teacher wearing glasses. I didn't think anything of it until I got home and saw the email she had sent.

She responded to me and apologized for not getting back to me before the weekend. I couldn't believe how thoughtful she was - I wasn't even expecting her to get back until the next Monday, and for goodness sake she did not need to apologize. She told me that in our conversation at back-to-school night she remembered that my hubby had said that AGG's behavior, normally confident, out-going and friendly, started to change about 6-8 months ago. I couldn't believe she remembered. She then proceeded to ask if this was when AGG received her glasses. It just so happens - it was.

I don't know how I missed that. I was so grateful she had that insight. AGG has had issues with her glasses. She is a very verbal girl. Her eye specialist even told us that verbal children tend to care about their appearance. And mine does. She is concerned about what people think about her. She also gets frustrated because occassionally, due to her lazy eye, she sees double (I see two mommies). Often the characters she pretends to be, because she is my little actress, don't wear glasses, and she will refuse to wear them.

AGG's teacher said she'd start wearing her glasses more often, as no one else in the class wears them. She said that she doesn't need them during the day, but for night vision, but that if this helps AGG - she'd do it. At this point... I was crying, again, and I'm not even pregnant...

It's been a few days since then, and I've noticed a huge change. Today AGG drew a picture of her classroom, with all the different cubbies, stations, and even her teacher, complete with glasses. She's been playing with the kids in her class. Even her teacher, today mentioned a noted difference.

I can't even begin to say how much this one teacher, who has taken the time to go the extra mile means to me, and my little AGG. I feel like there's not much I can do to repay her kindness...so I'll work to do as much as I can. Let's just say, anything in terms of volunteering, materials, baking, etc...you can count on me to do. I feel so blessed that my sweet daughter, with the tender heart has a teacher with a mother's heart.

The Cover Art ... is just Marketing

I grew up boy crazy.

If you were "sneaky, sneaky" and you opened up my journals from elementary school, middle school, high school and college, you'd find it littered with pathetic poem attempts, highs and drastic lows, and... lists of boys that I thought were.... "cuuuuuuuuuute".

It's entertaining to read through my childhood...and remember how I felt, smile knowingly at the budding soul...and thank the Lord I grew out of that...somewhat (celebrities not included).

When I was a young 'un it was all about how a boy looked. That was all that was important. Of course, if he was mean to me - he'd instantly be off the list. Even at that young age, how someone acted would either elevate them higher on the "good-looking" list, or plummet them off my chart.

And... oh yes... I played a lot of MASH.

I am a bit sheepish to admit that "boy crazy", kind of defined who I was, even in high school. I even took pictures with "hot" TAs. I am so utterly embarrassing.

A turning point came when one of my friends in high school turned to me one day during brunch or lunch and said, point blank, in reference to my frivolous obsessions, "why don't you get a personality"?

That hit me hard. It struck right to my core. I realized, she was right. I was so one-dimensional, dull, and let's be honest - silly - that even if a boy was interested in me, there was nothing of substance to sustain any kind of mature relationship.

So I took that to heart. I realized I needed to be more than just brainlessly obsessed with one thing.

Through college I discovered that a person's attractiveness... at least for me - increased based on their personality, character, and heart. I learned that by watching how a person reacted to doing acts of service, treated the "outsiders", took initiative... those things they did when they thought no one was watching, spoke volumes about the person behind the facade.

I have looked back at "THE" list. I'm sure you've done one. The list of what you wanted in a spouse. I was surprised, and a little relieved that my list was full of qualities and traits, not physical appearances, and shallow requirements, that in the end, mean very little.

I was also pleased that I had eventually abandoned that first list as a focal point, and had created a list of qualities that I knew I could work on to make myself the type of woman a good man would want to marry. A woman that my children would want to have as a mother. A woman that I would be able to respect.

It's amusing to hear my Beehives talk about the kind of men they want to marry - it's not much different than when I was young. I wish I could pull out my experiences and hand it all over to them, so that they can be that much more ahead of the game in discovering what is important.

Then again, it's not my turn to learn - it's theirs. And... while I can hope that they learn it, I know there will be some that might not learn it as quickly. I say that because I still see women, grown women, who are mothers, who only like to be friends with women who look like them - or look like the women they'd like to be associated with. These women judge a person based on if they look old/young, or fat/skinny or burlap sack/fashion-forward. They don't see that our appearances aren't something we have much choice in. If they could look behind the physical appearances, they'd discover how brilliant the women they write off are.

There is nothing more lovely to me than the friendships I value. I don't look physically like any of my friends that I respect. But I hope I do look like them in the things that matter. I hope I match (or one day match) these great women I respect in faith, service, humor, joy, devotion, wisdom....They are beautiful to me.

I'm grateful to that friend in high school. The one who was mature beyond her years, to call me out. Our looks are just cover art... but what's inside... well, we can make it glorious.

Where did the time go?

Here, Avant Garde Gal, is modeling her first day of school outfit. (a la Old Navy) When we go shopping I let her pick out her own clothes. She has quite the fashion sense... something I still don't quite have.

All month she's been coloring in a caterpillar each day, counting down the days until Kindergarten. We've worked on some reading, writing and simple skills like cutting and gluing. The night before school she had a Father's Blessing. Little Dauntless Daughter had one too... in preparation for preschool. And then after our family prayer I told both girls a story about their first day of school. We were excited!

The day of, I think my clock was slow... because we were actually a couple minutes late. Luckily, that didn't matter. Also, my hubby came too - but made it just one minute after AGG entered her classroom. So we all peeked through the glass.


We could tell she was a little shy at first... and wearing my sunglasses I felt tears well-up. But I had to swallow them so that my little one wouldn't think something was wrong. I never really thought this would happen so quickly. I still remember every detail of her birth...I can't believe how I'm thrusting her out into this world... I think I need a safety net.

I will say, I am grateful for such a great school. We have great teachers, beautiful facilities...and solid families. I'm excited for her to enjoy learning. She's inquisitive and quick to catch on. My friend Sally was worried my oldest might get bored...

QS: It's time to go to bed.
AGG: Why?
QS: So you can go to your third day of school tomorrow.
AGG: I don't want to go everyday!
QS: Why not?
AGG: It will get boring!

My oldest has a sweet heart. She is also timid with change. So I worry for her. I hope the other kids include her. I hope they reach out to her. I hope she finds the courage to step out of her comfort zone. I'm afraid she gets that from me... I was painfully shy as a child. I hope my aching while she's away at school is just crazy...and not called for. She is a little ray of joy... and so I hope, I hope she have a marvelous experience. It's hard... letting go.

While my oldest is away at school for half a day... this is what my little one and I have been up to.


We were at Claire's to pick up birthday goodies for my Beehives. So my little one, Dauntless Daughter, picks up these crazy glasses.

DD: Mommy can you take a picture of me?
QS: Of course! *click*
DD: Ok, now your turn.
QS: Oh, I don't need a picture.
DD: Yes, you do. I will take a picture of you.
QS: Ok.
DD: (giggles) - you look silly Mom.

She also loved the Old Navy dog... she prefers dogs that just don't move. We also had lunch. After we dropped off her big sister on Wed we had this conversation.

DD: I'm hungry.
QS: But we just had breakfast!
DD: Yes, but I'm hungry again.
QS: Okay, we'll go home and have something to eat.
DD: No, I want to go somewhere.
QS: Where?
DD: I want to go somewhere to eat food.

I then had to explain we couldn't go out all the time... Daddy works hard for the money. (queue music)


... I don't feel old... and yet, time keeps moving past me. I am not ready for my girls to leave me this quickly. I'm not quite ready to give up the freedom of our initiated schedules for a regimented one. I miss the carefree days of summer...and toddler-hood. I am so grateful that I stay home with my most precious gifts. I can't imagine anything worth giving up that time with them. I really could use a pause button for life, right about now.

YES SIR!

ATTENTION SIR!

Focus your eyes.
Focus your mind.
Focus your body.

Giggle.

...they're taking a free 30-day Tae Kwon Do class and just received their white belts... my Kungfu Panda Gals are THRILLED!

The numbers game...

Loved this recent post on Power Line.

Obama's been tossing this 46 million and sometimes 50 million number around about this mass of uninsured that we must insure. Why? Why must we? The article breaks down what this number represents and it comes down to a number closer to 15-10 million uninsured.

A few of my favorite quotes from the article:

Obama knows he needs a big number of "uninsured" to even get in the vicinity of selling what he has in mind to a skeptical public. But the big number he has selected would not get him in the vicinity if the public better understood who it consists of.

One of the purposes of most health care "reform" proposals, stated or unstated, is to force these young people into the system--to force them, that is, to contribute money to pay the medical bills of others, beyond what they already pay in Medicare taxes. Whatever you think of either the justice or the wisdom of such a policy, it is not worth turning our health care system upside down in order to achieve.

And... remember those Canadians... their oft exampled health care system? The Canadian Press reports that the incoming president of the Canadian Medical Association says their system is imploding. The current CMA president finally admits that they need, there is room for private health-care delivery... because the government funded one... stinks.

... things that make me go.... hmmmmmmmmmm

A Good Daddy is SEXY

HAPPY HAPPY 35th BIRTHDAY my... cutie wootie, cuddly wuddly, sexy wexy, hunny bunny... we love you!!!

Here are fifteen... yes 15 reasons why....(15? that's too many bits...)

He loves his family... and knows how to spend time and act silly with them.


His baby daughter loves to confide in him.

His oldest daughter knows he has all the answers.

His wife benefits from his patience, love and humor.

He is strong...and tender



He is faithful...and playful.

His daughters adore him...and run screaming joyfully - "DADDY!!!" when they hear the garage door open.

He creates sweet treats to present to his sweetheart... (mmmm)

He works out in the yard...and collects insects for his girls.

He provides constant entertainment for his girls.

He takes time to spend with his family, gazing up at the heavens...teaching them about the universe.

He creates gifts that he knows will make them happy

He scours temple gardens for a tiny frog...because he can't wait to show it to his girls

He treats his wife like a queen.

He loves good food...and after all this hard work...he deserves his favorite drink... lemonade.

We love you!!!

(even the toes?!)

A thank you love note

So I realized I better post this before my hubby's birthday....

We're both passionate Leos (wink, wink)...and I need to start working on his birthday post stat!

A week before my birthday my beautiful, sassy friend Sally dropped off the most thoughtful surprise. She had made me my own herb garden. She also brought some giant varieties of zucchini and squash grown in her own garden. She also brought me many other treats too... she is one of the most kindred spirits I have met.



Sally and I are a lot alike. We're very reciprocal. She is one of the few friends I have that the friendship never feels one-sided. I don't think I've ever had a friendship quite like that... with someone in real life, by my side. Sally is always thoughtful. We're a funny pair. Whenever she comes up with a great treat to share, I immediately return the favor. When I bake up something ... she immediately finds a way to share something with me. It is one of the first relationships with a friend that I have felt my friendship box overflow faster than I can ever empty. I always feel blessed to have her in my life.

My birthday was on July 26th...a Sunday, so my honey took me out Saturday evening to Hawks restaurant. Loved it. My friend Carrie - my gourmet friend - recommended it. She was spot-on with this recommendation. From the amuse-bouche to the main entree and dessert ... it was everything my senses had been needing.

After the lovely dinner with my sexy companion... we went to see the latest Harry Potter movie. It was... meh.


Sunday morning I woke to find a delicious omelet made by my talented hubby, and a luscious glass of fresh strawberry lemonade. It was so fun to have my girls sing and wrap me in their little arms.

I had calls from my Mom, my adorable sister Jess ...and even a text from a brother.

We even made it to Church on time... my hubby knows that's something I love...being on-time. ;-) At least for my birthday... I was on-time. (haha) As we pulled into the parking lot my sunburst of a friend Kim ran over with a gift for me. She is a light wherever she goes, joyful, thoughtful, ridiculously filled with unstoppable energy. She has five beautiful, lovely, intelligent daughters... I hope to follow her example (not with the quantity...but with the quality). Anyway, she presented me with her family cookbook... I felt so privileged. She knows I love to cook and shared with me precious treats from her family. I felt so lucky to have had her and Sally remember my birthday... two of my in real life friends.

As I get older... I'm not a big fusser of my own birthday. I like to remember birthdays when I can. So it was icing on the cake to have had two of my friends who live in my hood take the time to celebrate with me. They both have had a very special spot in my heart for a long time now.

After Church my hubby and the girls whipped up dark chocolate cupcakes... with a Bavarian cream made from scratch, and the dark chocolate frosting my hubby just made up on the spot. As you can see... it was heavenly... and sinful.


I have to say... my friends far away... who don't live in my hood also made my day. It's so lovely to be in touch over facebook and share life's moments. Their messages were... special treats.

To those who took the time... thank you for making my day such a treat. I feel very, very blessed.

I heart you.

San Diego

We decided to take a quick trip before Avant Garde Gal (AGG) starts Kindergarten, and Dauntless Daughter (DD) starts Preschool. We figured we haven't been to Sea World and the San Diego area - so why not. Also my cousin Ann lives there and it would be fun to catch up with her.

Sunday and Monday

Drive to LA Sun and then San Diego on Mon


Little Italy - Filipi and Extraordinary Desserts

Ann suggested we go eat at Filipi's and it was scrumptious... or maybe we'd been driving for so long. I actually found the pasta I've been looking for ... for years. It's the thin pasta that has curly edges. It's the kind Pasta Pomodoro uses in their Shrimp and Asparagus Malfaldine. I have looked for it for a while and was so excited that Filipi's had them.

After dinner we walked a few blocks in Little Italy to hit Extraordinary Desserts for... wait for it... DESSERT! ;-) We ordered their delish kiwi lemonade... that is my new fav drink. LOVE the kiwi in it. (kiwi, lemon, lime and Italian soda) We also had their dark hot chocolate and two desserts to split... yum.

I love Little Italy... it is simply adorable.

Tuesday

Hotel Pool

So because I felt all jiggly I got up before everyone and hit the gym. When I got back the girls were rousing but Phantom (my hubby) was still exhausted from the drive. So I took the girls down to the pool. Phantom joined us a little later...it was so nice to relax.


San Diego Zoo's Wild Animal Park

So this is so cool. I mentioned on one of my FB statuses about San Diego and an old friend of mine, Rebecca, from middle school lives in SD. She said she had 2 adult and 1 child tickets to SD's Wild Animal Park... free. Apparently since she and her hubby have passes - these tickets they were given, they couldn't use...and wanted to give them away before they expired. She contacted me and we were able to meet up... the last time I'd seen Rebecca was at my wedding in 2001. It was fun seeing her, briefly - and meeting her daughter Evie and having her say hello to my family. I have to say... had it not been for facebook - this would've never happened. So lucky to be in touch with people from our past.

Wednesday

Coronado Beach

I love this beach. I love this "island". The sand is more in-line with what I am accustomed to... and prefer in Hawaii. None of that nasty driftwood all over the place like in Santa Cruz. I can't stand the beaches in Santa Cruz... it's like your feet are constantly poked with crap.

The sand was perfect... it was flat and the kids could run around, dig... the air and the sound of the waves... I could have spent all four days here. Next time... I am staying in Coronado. I had no idea it would be like this.

Thursday

Sea World

I wish we could've taken advantage of our 2nd day free at Sea World... we simply did not have enough time, and it didn't help that we didn't get there until close to 2 or 3 pm.


My cousin Ann joined us after 6pm from work. Then we headed to Oceanside to Joe's Crab Shack...because I just wanted seafood. Ann was so nice to oblige since she is a vegetarian.

All-in-all - a fun adventure.
Time to get ready for SCHOOL!

ps... I forgot to add - I LOVE SD's downtown. It's so clean, safe, laid back and filled with charming, and chic eateries, design shops... it's totally my kind of downtown. I love it more than SF and LA...because there's always a bit of fear when I'm in those cities. I (heart) SD... it's just groovin', beach girl style.